Today when I opened my eyes to get out of bed, I did not want to get up.
For the past while I have been deliberately assisting and supporting myself with the point of establishing a more stable and supportive ‘morning routine’ which implies that I would not be sleeping in, or at least that was part of the agreement I made with myself, though today this point came up of where I had that experience of ‘not wanting to get out of bed.’
What is interesting about this is that in this case, as with many cases in the past it is not really about being tired – that is not the reason I ‘sleep in’ or have slept in. What I see is that this point of ‘sleeping in’ often has more to do with what I would be facing when I get up as my reality than actually a point of being sleepy or tired.
I see one can mistake that feeling of wanting to sleep in as ‘just being tired’, but in my experience its not really just about ‘being tired’ and I mean if one is really ‘too tired’ to get up in the morning you must ask yourself why that is and to check what else in your life/reality might be influencing you within this point where you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning
So today I had this ‘tiredness’ which I see was actually more of a resistance to getting up and facing my reality.
Yesterday in the evening as I went to sleep I could actually already see that “I was going to sleep in tomorrow’ This point was already building and constructing within me the night/day before where by the time I went to bed it was like I had not actually given sufficient consideration and direction to certain points within my world that as a result contributed to me creating a resistance towards getting up the next day – because ultimately I would be faced with these same points I was not giving direction to when I woke up the next day.
Primarily there was some decisions at work that I had to make or that I hadn’t made yet and in a way I was not yet certain on what I was going to do and so not having made these decisions but rather leaving them open ended/un directed, in a way contributed to this resistance point in the morning.
I can even trace this moment back further. This moment that culminated this morning manifesting as a single moment when I opened my eyes and decided to just stay in bed a little longer.
So today I was looking at this point and tracing it back into my reality where it was like “I should have seen this coming” Yesterday I remember my boss had asked me what project I was going to work on and after I had told him and was continuing after walking to my car to go home I experienced that I was not satisfied with my answer and that there was like this inner conflict going on inside me now. And so this is partly the point I faced this morning when I got up and was still not clear on what It was exactly that I was going to be working on next. And so this resulted in me staying in bed a little longer due to the resistance that I was existing within instead of sticking to the routine I had in place.
There was a few other factors at play within this also. But for me I see that often what manifests within my life in terms of when there is for instance points of conflict accumulating inside me without effective direction is a form of depression which also comes through as a point of ‘sleeping in’ which is simply that point of not wanting to face or make certain decisions within my life.
So I see how I can assist and support myself within the point of ‘prevention is the best cure’ in where in this particular case this point of sleeping in this morning had actually been brewing for a few days so thus I can support myself to become more aware of this point so to support myself to not allow this point of ‘sleeping in’ or more specifically ‘wanting to sleep in’ to accumulate within me through by allowing decisions that come up within my life to go un-directed or unattended to in a way where these un-directed decisions start to build up inside in.
After I had gotten up and got to work, I was a bit fumbly in terms of actually deciding on my course of action – meaning it was not exactly a smooth process but eventually those decisions that I was avoiding as I was hiding in my bed this morning , did get made.
For me, part of the realization that came through today was related to seeing how this moment that I created as that point of ‘sleeping in’ was in fact done so throughout the past week or weeks. It was not just a moment existing individually on its own where I for some reason did not want to get out of bed. Rather it was a breaking point if you will of accumulated moments, or decisions that I did not give decisive and clear direction to that kind of conglomerated together throughout the past few days, weeks, months, years, even, into this “I don’t know what to do” experience that influenced my living behavior in a way where now I am participating with a point and at times within my past a pattern of ‘sleeping in’ or ‘not getting out of bed in the morning’.
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