Here follows the Self Forgiveness I am applying on the points opened up in – Artistic Integrity in a World of Consumerism – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 591
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others if my art is not up to a standard that I have created and hold within my mind that I perceive and believe will, when this art, meeting this standard is seen, stimulate in the minds of others an idea about me that I am superior and thus so I see myself as worthy, and here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this ‘idea of myself’ that I want others to have of me when they see my art, direct and control me and actually result in me compromising myself within my life because I am so desperate to maintain this perceived idea about myself in the minds of others through the art I make, that I have been unwilling and unable to align my artistic expression to a point of practicality in terms of aligning it more to the current context of our world in where for instance I create what sells not necessarily what is liked only, where I haven’t done this because I have been so possessed by maintaining and upholding a specific image I have of myself through the art I make, where if I change my expression and align it be more practical then I will no longer be able to maintain that idea about myself that I have become obsessed with maintaining through how I will be seen in relation to the specific art I make and through this how I will see myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really be concerned and fear what other people think about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the idea that other people have about me, and particularly here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as and according to the idea that other people have of me in relation to the art I make.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist making art that is more marketable and sellable because I believe that this will make my art ‘less’ which I resist doing because then also the idea that people form about me in relation to the art I make will also be ‘less’ and I fear that as I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this idea that people form about me in relation to the art I make is actually what defines me and who I am and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that who I am is existing here in every moment and that I am not in fact the idea that people hold of me within there minds.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I am is not defined by what other people think about me, not matter how nice or nasty there ideas of me are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my attention and thus myself to drift ‘out there’ thinking about and concerning myself with ideas I have within myself about what I believe other people are thinking about me and perceiving me to be where this became more important to me than who I actually am in every breath within and as Equality and Oneness where All life is in fact equal as the life force that exist equally within us all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself through attempting to stimulate opinions and ideas about me in others that are ‘positive’ or ‘good’ in this diverting my attention away from who I really am as that which I consist of and am accepting and allowing myself to exist as in every breath as all the dimensions, thoughts, emotions, feelings, judgements, beliefs, fantasies, memories, behaviors, inner conversations and all the various dimensions that I consist of where this is who I really am and is the point I should be focusing on and working with so to align this Self with and as and into the best version of myself which is the versions that stand within the principle of What is Best for ALL within and as Equality and Oneness.
I will continue in my next blog.
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