Feeling Like My Reality is Against Me – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 574

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel exposed because my peers are having more success than me where in this I feel like I am being seen by others as being absolutely ‘less than’ and ‘inferior’ towards them and so within this I feel exposed, because within myself I actually feel and experiencing myself to be less than my peers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that “it’s too late for me” to actually get myself into a position where I can actually perform my job in the way that is most ideal and so within and as this, experience a stress, tension and heaviness within me, almost like a wanting to give up or an already having given up on this, like this is actually impossible, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with all sorts of reasons, excuses, and justifications for why this is impossible to actually make this point work EFFECTIVELY for me and so here have accepted and allowed myself to argue for my limitations because within this, I don’t have to go through the hardship of trying and failing which is what I believe is ultimately going to happen, which again is revealing a point of Self Sabotage within my Starting Point where I believe that I will ultimately fail within the point I am currently walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my reality is supposed to be difficult to navigate and that its not normal that things would come easily or work for that matter.

And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “things never work” and that is just how reality functions and so experience this point of discouragement within what ever it is I am walking/applying myself in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself for feeling like I did not take advantage of the opportunity I had to get myself into the most ideal position to be effective at work like some of my peers have done and so now find myself in the familiar position of being angry at myself for how I have applied myself within my reality which seems to be a reoccurring theme month to month.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to justify my failures and inability to be effective where I will cite my programming as the reason for this where then I want to use this as the reason why I have not yet broken through these pre-programmed limitations that I have accepted and allowed to exist as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and become angry at/towards the conditions of my life for being the reason and cause things haven’t worked out yet within my current job where I am able to be/have positioned myself into the most effective and opportune position that was/is available for me to place myself in in my current job/reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself for ‘holding’ myself in my current position where in and as this anger, I am blaming myself for not being or doing better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated that I seem to be stuck in my programming where I experience myself as not being able to get out and so just want to give up on this because it seems all I do is fight with not actual Self Movements and Direction out of my Programming and into a practical application that is Effective and Produce Effective Results.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in essence believe ‘this will never work’. This point of actually having success within my current position, despite the fact that my peers are actually doing this, where still here I go into the point of insisting that it won’t last, particularly because the point of my current job is something that I always wanted to do and so there is a point within me of not allowing myself to consider that this is actually possible where I could actually do this, essentially where I have accepted that what ever I try to do is not going to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ‘stuckness’ and ‘conflict’ in my world where this stuckness and conflict is related to the point of failure. Where within myself I am in conflict with myself and my reality because on the one hand I want to succeed but on the other hand I believe I will fail and so its like I am stuck in the middle without ever really going one way or the other.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to give myself false hope and so within this hold onto the idea that I am limited within my ability to make money with my current position, essentially here holding myself down so to not “get my hopes up to only later have them crushed and so overall within myself I have adopted this starting point towards my environment/this point with my current position of defining it as ‘something that will never work, no matter what I do or try’. And thus have failure imprinted into my very starting point of walking this point and ultimately walking my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry and frustrated with even writing this SF because still within myself there is this point of where I will not let go if this stance that I have taken that “there is no way this will work” and so even with the sf here I am applying, I am still in conflict with myself and fighting with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger within myself towards those who I perceive “think I am not trying hard enough”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at/towards my programming when I am essentially blaming my programming for being the reason/cause I am not yet being effective within my current position/job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry overall that I have not yet found a way to effectively work with my programming to within this assist and support myself to correct any limiting, self destructive behaviors and programs.

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Solutions.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution for a Failing Capitalism
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.

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One thought on “Feeling Like My Reality is Against Me – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 574

  1. Pingback: Stabilizing Reactions So I Can SEE Practically – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 575 | An Artists Journey To Life

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