This blog is a continuation of a series of blogs where I am investigating a reaction I had come up recently while working on an art piece, I have decided to open this point up through looking at it within 3 different dimensions – The Conscious/Personal, The Subconscious/Interpersonal, and the Unconscious/Universal. For a cool and interesting overview of these 3 dimensions please see this blog – http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/08/day-474-blogging-three-in-one.html
Today I am continuing with opening up the Subconscious/Interpersonal dimension of this point.
One thing that I have noticed about the art that I do is that I do become concerned about what other people think of the art I make where this concern actually exists as a primary part of my experience in relation to the art I make.
Today at work I noticed this point specifically coming up where I see that I am placing so much value in other peoples opinion of my work where its nearly like I have no opinion of my own but that I require other people to completely validate what I am doing. I also remember this in art school where I would always want a specific reaction from my peers where ultimately I was wanting them to like what I did where if I did not get the response that I hoped for, I would react and become angry and frustrated within myself.
So there is an aspect here of attempting to get Validation from others where within this I am essentially abdicating my power in a way where I am placing others as the authority to determine the value of what I am creating. Though interestingly these ‘others’ are not necessarily qualified in any particular way to give this validation. Rather, they are simply sharing their opinion but what I find is that I really take the opinions of others to heat so to speak and in a way I have no Self Foundation upon which I am able to remain grounded within a point of Self Value where I do not accept and allow myself to judge my expression no matter what anyone say’s or thinks. So I see that I am quite insecure within this scenario of having others given their opinion of my work where this insecurity is a point where I will form my opinion on my expression based on the opinions of others. So I see I must assist and support myself here to Stop Judging my expression and to establish a baseline of Value as a Self Acceptance within what I am expressing and thus who I am, because ultimately I can see how the opinions I form around my expression and my art is related to Who I am Am, and the opinions I have about myself. I mean, I know myself intricately. I know my judgements, I know my evils, I have lived a life and within this lifeformed ideas, opinions, judgements towards myself and so the fact that I am experiencing myself as being very much insecure about my art for instance I see is actually a reflection of Who I Am’ and the ideas, perceptions, judgements I have towards myself on a fundamental level. What I see this also reveals is that I actually have not Established yet a point of Self TRUST within myself that stand as a kind of Grounding for me so that I can simply remain Stable when facing various opinions from various sources.
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