In my last blog I opened up this reaction point that came up in relation to work recently.
What I am going to do here is have a look at this point/reaction more specifically, breaking it down into 3 sections; the conscious/personal, the subconscious/interpersonal, and the unconscious/universal.
For more context on these 3 different categories you can read an outline here –http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/08/day-474-blogging-three-in-one.html
So in todays blog I am going to start by investigating this reaction I had in relation to the ‘personal’ or the ‘conscious’.
So this point more specifically relates to ME, and who I believe myself to be and what I believe about myself and thus how this reaction that came up the other day is and has essentially been formed within this personal/conscious dimension of myself.
For context – The reaction that came up happened when I ‘messed up’ on a piece of art that I was busy making where I had spent nearly 2 weeks working on this piece where the other day I made a few mistakes and this really created/caused a reaction within me because now these mistakes were/are irreversible in a way and so now I feel like my piece is not as good as or as perfect as it could have been.
So what I am exploring here is how this particular reaction relates to the conscious/personal dimension of myself.
I see that I really did judge myself when I made this ‘mistake’ on my art piece. I really judged myself where I looked at this point happening in a way as if ‘I deserved it’ almost as if it was consequence but even more like a punishment for ‘who I am’ where I see that I have quite a few judgements about myself in relation to ‘who I am’ and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, essentially defining myself within judgement as ‘not good enough’ or ‘I should be ashamed of myself’ from the perspective of ‘who I am currently existing as’ as all the ‘inner evils’ of myself where this mistake that happened with my art piece I interpreted as a kind of reflection of the truth of me showing and revealing my ‘true self’ so to speak. The truth of my inner ugliness in a way.
Art is interesting because I can see the dimension of it as being a kind of ‘presentation’ which human beings spend so much time cultivating, only the problem is is that the real self is not the presentation of self and so overall when this mistake came up in my art piece the other day, I had these kinds of thoughts like “I knew it” or “this is just who I am” or “this is the truth of me” from the perspective of where I was looking at myself in a way almost as ‘incapable’ like I cannot actually create an exquisite work of art because “I am incapable of this” because who I am is not in fact ‘exquisite’ but rather saturated with mistakes and flaws and abusive habits/patterns ect and so when I did end up making this mistake in my art the other day, I really had a reaction because in fact things were going really well with the piece and when the mistake happened it was like “I knew it” and “I am not ready yet” So here like seeing and defining myself as inadequate in a way or inferior or bound for inadequacy and things like this where the art was just a reflection of these beliefs and ideas I have about myself.
Ok so here is a dimension of the personal/conscious in terms of opening up and investigating the reaction I had at work the other day.
I will continue with this point in my next blog
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Solutions.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution for a Failing Capitalism
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.