One point that I have noticed within me as I have walked my process of Self Forgiveness, is that one thing I see that I would do is that I would instead of actually applying Self Forgiveness on points is that I would find ways to supress them or ‘make them go away’.
For a moment they would ‘go away’ until they emerged again begging for the same attention as usual where Id then go ahead and indulge in the point and then once again it would disappear for a moment where my ‘application’ had become more of a management of all the personalities within myself or even a kind of wrestling match where instead of actually standing as the points and applying self forgiveness within the starting point of releasing myself from such points, I would instead more just work on my ability to supress points or contain points within me, hiding them within me without in fact addressing them for real. And I had gone on like this for quite some time. I mean, I have now been involved in this process for over 5 years and I can see various points that I have more ‘managed’ than actually forgiven.
I have noticed this point more recently where now some of the points are becoming more difficult to ‘manage’ or to ‘conceal’ so to speak and I have noticed are actually becoming more prominent within me in terms of ‘pre-occupying me’ within my day. And so in seeing this, I see how this is a result of not actually walking the process of Self Forgiveness as a point of releasing myself from these points, but that I have more worked within the a process of suppression and management and I will do it later.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in a process of personality management and suppression where I will not and have not actually stood within the starting point of really applying Self Forgiveness from the starting point of actually Supporting Myself through releasing myself from the various possessions, personalities, characters, pre-occupations that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, but that I had rather more engaged in a process of just trying to figure out how to make these points “go away” for a moment, where it was like “I was doing something about it” but I really was just deferring the points for a moment, kicking the can down the road where then what would occur obviously is that I would simply be faced with the point again in the future – the EXACT same point because instead of really Standing within the Starting Point of actually giving direction to these points, to myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind as the personalities, characters, demons, possessions, entities, pre-occupations, addictions, behaviors, I just found ways to keep them contained temporarily but where the points would always remain existing, cycling over and over, and having consequences in my life.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to slow myself down and within this, when ever I see a “mind point” coming up within me, to use that as an opportunity to assist and support myself to re-establish my Starting Point of Who I Am within my process and thus assist and support myself to transform my starting point from one of simply trying to manage my mind and the various personalities, ect, and transform this into a point of actually applying the tools of Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application in a way to actually release myself from the points for real, so to ensure I am not just suppressing the point to have it cycle within me to once again return in the future.
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