I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to exist within full attention within my day where I am deliberately moving myself within my day in every breath, but rather where it has become I am druging myself through my day where some times I am attentive but then other times, I am defeated, and my body goes into this relaxed lethargic state where I am more “carrying myself” through my day, instead being here in full attention in each moment, articulating myself as my expression specifically and deliberately.
I was doing some reading today and came across this quote by Bernard Poolman about hugging.
“If your hands drop like this, it’s not real. Your hands must be Firm.
Fully firm, hugging, holding, full attention in every tip of your fingers at all times.”
I could relate to this in terms of how I have been experiencing myself within my days lately where there is not really a “Full Attention” there. Sometimes there is, but often I will dip into a kind of lethargy, and kind of point where my arms drop and I am more dragging myself through my day, instead of being HERE in Full Attention and Directing myself specifically and deliberately breath by breath. Its like a kind of ‘Self Defeat’ point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ‘Self Defeat’ in moments within my day where I kind of sink into myself and sink into this point of ‘Self Defeat’ where I just feel tired and feeling like “I don’t want to do anymore” where I then experiencing myself as having to carry myself through day, and that here I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to in such moments, pause, take a Breath, and Direct myself to be HERE in Full Attention where my Attention is Fully and Firmly HERE within and as my Human Physical Body, where I am direct and move myself specifically and deliberately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the ‘Self Defeat’ Character where this experience of ‘Self Defeat’ has become routine to the degree where now I will accept it more often as a ‘natural part of my day’ and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to do anything about it, and to stop myself from accepting and allowing myself to sink into this lethargic, pulling myself through my day, state/experience/physical behavior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a drone, where I become a drone whenever I accept and allow myself to be directed by the mind where I will instead of directing myself specifically and deliberately within the context of what is best for all, I will just submit to the pre-programmed patterns of the mind, and follow that format which I have programmed as that which I do to stimulate myself as a mind.
When and as I see myself slipping into that lethargic, pulling myself through the day, state/experience/ physical behavior, where within myself I just become heavy and feel bogged down, that when and as I see myself going into this state and participating within this state that I in such moments, stop and take a breath. And here I commit myself to in that breath, immediately move myself into FULL Attention where I stop myself from accepting and allowing myself to exist within this lethargic state, and to in such moments, Direct myself to move myself into Full Attention and to Direct myself in a specific and deliberate manner which require my FULL ATTENTION to do so. I realize that throughout my day I will allow “mind interference” where I see that what happens is that I go into my mind and I start thinking about “what the mind wants” and thus I start to “shut down” in a way. I start to become lethargic within myself and no more wanting to Direct Myself in a way that is Best for ALL. I see that the more I accept and allow myself to engage with, be directed by, and participate within and as the mind, that I am not HERE, in full attention where I am Directing Myself within the context of what is best for all. And so I commit myself to start with identifying those moments within my day where I “step out of Full Attention” and its like existentially, my arms drop and I am “just not into it” and to within identifying such moments to assist and support myself in such moments, move and direct myself into Full Attention, thus assisting and supporting myself step by step to step out of mind and to bring myself Fully Here into and as the Physical in Full Attention where I have my full attention and presence within and as my Human Physical Body, so that I become more Specific and Deliberate in my Self Expression and Self Application within my day, where this is done with Specificity, where this is done in Full Attention, Full Presence, and thus assisting and supporting myself to no more accept and allow myself to lag through my day or go into those moments where I experience myself within that point of “just not being into it” but to thus assist and support myself to transform each of those moments into moments of deliberately willing myself to BE HERE and to BE Into It, in and as Full Attention, thus assisting and supporting myself to Bring myself to and Be Here in Full Presence within and as my Human Physical Body in every moment throughout my day – A point which I would much prefer to be anyways. Nobody really wants to be dragging themselves through their day.
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