Today I was listening to one of the recent Eqafe interviews in which a being shared their realization of how unaware we are of our Physical Body and that even when one do look within oneself or look at past memories and experiences that it is the emotions and feelings that are emphasized where the physical body goes nearly unnoticed.
So this was a cool reminder to now more be aware of this point throughout my day and also particularly when I do my self-investigative writings to bring this dimension of Self into play where I look at my ‘physical experience’ and physical behaviors that often at times is not given the same attention as for instance, emotions and feelings or what words are exchanged ect.
So now I am going to walk through my day here in writing but will place the emphasis on my Human Physical Body/Behavior.
When I woke up to my dream today….ooops typo….when I woke up today, I was in the middle of a vivid dream. My body felt tight this morning when I work up…geez another typo…WOKE Up not Work up – It took about 5 minutes before I experienced some ease starting to be here within my physical body.
I sat on my bed and did some writing and I was quite comfortable. My roommate was also up this morning and I notice that often when my roommate is out in the common area that I experience my whole body being more tense and clentched up and also I am more ‘alert’ like almost like ‘listening’ so to pick up what my roommate is up to. I find when I am completely alone that I am much more physically relaxed and comfortable.
When I stepped outside it was cold out this morning my body also goes tense when its cold but I find my physical body experience in terms of heading out to work in the morning is particularly related to time and so for instance if I had slept in and am a little late, I often will feel quite tense, but this morning my timing was cool so I was comfortable and relaxed as I headed out to work. I was though wondering how things were going to go because I would be working outside today and yesterday was quite cold and so I was wondering how today would be and so from this perspective my body was not completely at ease, because there was this kind of anticipation within me of how the day would play out.
When I got to work I had to make a decision whether to work “on the clock” or to work on my own projects where I am not working by the hour.
What I find fascinating with this is that my experience of myself completely change depending if I am working “on the clock” or “working on my own projects”
Today when I was working on the clock” I was more antsy, and fidgety. It was like I had to will myself to get to work, and to keep focused on the task, I just kept wanting to get up and physically move away from the point I was working on but as soon as I switch over to doing my own projects, its like I just sink into the point and time disappear. For this reason I much prefer to work on my own projects. Though interestingly at the end of the day today the “on the clock” project started to open up a bit more and I felt more comfortable and “into” the point, so once I Directed myself to move through that initial resistance and point of just wanting physically get away from the project, that once I Moved through that, I then more settled into the point and was more ‘here’ and no more wanting to physically get up and walk away.
I had to push myself to physically move myself around the piece (sculpture) I was working on today because it’s a very big piece and so some of the areas to work on are quite tricky and I end up climbing up on the piece and like laying on my back and things to get myself into the areas that need working on. I noticed that I wanted to just sit in a nice easy position and work on the easy areas, but I did deliberately force myself to get into some of the more challenging areas which requires a more physical effort and lying on my back and in awkward positions.
When I finished with the “on the clock” project, I experienced a relief come over me and my physical body kind of let go of the tension that I was existing in because I noticed that in approaching this “on the clock” project so far, I find my physical is tense the entire time like I take an in-breath and go for it, and then only exhale once I am done and the day is over where its like only then I start to relax.
Ok I will go to here for todays Blog.
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