“I Deserve It” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 499

In my last blog I was looking at the point of how to physically move myself quickly in terms of getting allot done in the day without going into the mind and creating a stress/tension experience within myself.

Though before I get back into that, I am going to pick up here with another difficult point that I find comes up quite a bit within my world, and that is “Picking myself back up after a crash”

So this last week things were going fine but then I reached a point where I just gave up on myself and allowed all the points that I was working on to fall to the ground so to speak.

I often find this pattern of giving up happens on the weekends. I mean I have been “letting go” on the weekends since childhood in terms of going to school and then “being free” on the weekends and then later on in life when I go to work and then am “free” on the weekends where what I have noticed develop as a pattern in my life is that often on weekends I find it most difficult to remain stable and productive because I just so much want to let go of my responsibilities and not have to deal with it all.

So what I am noticing is that I only have a tolerance level of about 5 to 7 day of being productive before the excuses and inner back-chat in my mind start becoming louder until I just give in and basically drop all the points I was holding and directing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the justification “I deserve it” as the reason I give myself to just give up on myself when the weekend comes, this being quite strange that “I deserve it” is a statement I use to actually move myself into self abuse where I just let go of actually moving and directing myself myself effectively in my world and actually become that and do that which is not in fact best for me so its strange how I have defined this as “something that I deserve” in terms of this being “a good thing”

And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with the back-chat statement of “I deserve it” because what I see, realize and understand is that what I end up “going into” in terms of that which I am claiming “I deserve” is in fact an self abusive pattern of giving up when in fact what I should really deserve is to do what is best for me and actually Support myself and Live to my utmost potential – that is what I I should really be alluding to when I speak the words “I deserve it” and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disguise Self Abuse as something positive or good which is why I’d say “I deserve it”.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop participating with this back-chat statement as “I deserve it” now in seeing that what it is actually linked to is a pattern of abuse and so it is not actually best for me or really support me where rather I should be investigating how to really give myself something that is best for me and beneficial for me in terms of something “that I deserve”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body to the degree where I will ‘want’ something that is actually bad for my physical body where I will even justify this by stating “I deserve it”

I commit myself to investigate why I have accepted and allowed myself to actually want things that do not support me and which actually classify as self abuse. And why I would resist things that is actually beneficial for me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize than when I speak the words “I deserve it” that this is actually my mind speaking these words from the perspective that the only point that is benefiting from the point that ‘I’ deserve is the mind, where this normally come at the compromise of my physical body and of myself and so here I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to become the mind and have become the servant of the mind to the degree that when I speak the words “‘I’deserve it” that I actually believe that this “I” is me, not realizing that it is the mind, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the mind what it wants despite the detriment this has on the physical where the mind as become the god and physical the food source, existing in a disharmonious relationship with each other, where the benefit of one is to the detriment of the other.

I commit myself to investigate this relationship that I Have developed with my mind where when I speak the word “I”, I am actually mostly referring to my mind, and how this for instance is not regarding the human physical body.

 

Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution Presented by the Equal Life Foundation
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Solutions.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.

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