What normally happens with resistance is a point will come up that I will go into resistance towards. I will look at this point here from the perspective of when a thought crosses my mind about something that triggers resistance. This can be about something that I have been putting off or even something that I have been thinking about doing, or something that I simply must do and am even ready to do but that I am experiencing resistance towards. So I will have this thought/point come up and I will immediately experience a form of anger within myself towards the point. I also see a point of ‘obligation’ here in terms of it being part of the resistance. I will then try and suppress the thought/point and forget about it but I see that that never works. Because then the point will just come up later and I will be faced with the same point as before. I also see that I tend to become irritated with resistance points, like they are bugging me, or getting in the way of what I would rather be doing. When a thought/point comes up within me that triggers a resistance, its too late, I have already seen the point, sometimes I will try and suppress it as fast as possible other times I will look at it, consider it, and hold it within me and look at it, and see if I can “put it off” a little longer. Other times I will just adamantly shut it down, and make a statement within me “I am NOT doing this!”. Where my reaction to the resistance is an automatic no where I just completely give into the resistance so automatically and so completely that its almost like I am not even resisting the point at all because when I give in so quickly there is no “internal battle” than ensues that would when I start to contemplate directing a point that I am resisting. I find though, that these points really weigh on me and affect my entire being and presence as I layer these points within me that I am not facing, and they just sit within me and rot and rot and rot and its kind of like I just close my eyes and ignore it with all my might. So some resistance points within me become quite heavy and create quite a discomfort inside me, especially if I have been resisting them for a long time. I feel sick within myself because I am allowing myself to not direct points that I see are necessary but just give into the resistance. I will also have various excuses I use to justify why it is I am not directing the points I am in resistance of.
“I am too busy”
“I am not ready”
“I have a good reason for not doing it”
“Its too much”
“Not right now”
“I can’t do it”
“I don’t have it in me”
“I have done enough already”
“I don’t want to do it”
“its not important”
“I can do it later”
But then sometimes you have the silent killer where its like I am carful to not even look at the point at all, where as soon as It comes up I just immediately supress it, almost as if “I didn’t see it” or “it didn’t come up” and so here I call this the silent killer because the point almost goes under the radar in a way due to the stealthily manner in which I will just suppress the point over and over without ever even looking at it.
When I don’t give into resistance but decide to take a stand, I start to feel disgusting within myself, like I just get so uncomfortable and the resistance becomes more intense and its like my whole insides is crawling and I just want to stop/want it to stop, I just want the experience to end.
So how I am going to support myself to Correct this point and Assert and Direct myself when facing this resistance experience is the following.
I am going to direct myself immediately in one breath. That is a way I see I can support myself to become more Self Directive instead of continually giving into resistance. And so when I see resistance coming up within me, I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply breath and continue to stabilize myself through breathing. And I commit myself to Direct Myself Immediately within the ‘resistance point’ instead of putting it off. Because that is a point I see only creates more resistance where I will again have to face that same resistance point later when I am faced with doing the point that I had put off, and so here with regards to my Self Corrective Process, I direct myself to move myself immediately into the point of resistance or to continue moving within the point I am walking when I notice/experience resistance coming up. So in essence the point is to eliminate the “inner debate” that often ensue when faced with resistance where I will “start to think about it” and when that happens its like the resistance seems to become more because now I am spending time thinking about it instead of just immediately directing myself . So this is the point I will assist myself with in terms of Correcting Myself Here. No inner debate, and Immediate Self Direction.
Another way I can support myself here is to actually Speak Outloud what it is I am doing, so for instance making a Direct Statement to myself to further assist myself to solidify my Standing, and My Decision to face/walk a particular point that I experience resistance in relation to. So I can use this also as a way to support myself to physically ground myself instead of accepting and allowing myself to sink into the mind or go into the mind and start swimming in that resistance experience. Voicing the point out lout is a way to get myself out of the mind and get my attention off the resistance and here into and as the physical.
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