Lost – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 462

Emotion- Comical Sense

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the only thing I can do is watch a movie – meaning where I am faced with a moment of applying myself in writing where in this moment I am not finding or seeing anything I can write about and then to from here divert my attention away from writing and to doing something else, like watching a movie, instead of moving myself into the point of writing and assisting and supporting myself to uncover what is here where essentially I just start digging and see what comes up.

One point that has recently come up is the point of having an opportunity to teach an artist workshop. I have never taught an artist workshop before but see myself as being sufficiently ready to expand into such a point, though when being faced with a decision to get involved in such an opportunity I have essentially just supressed the point and postponed the decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid making a decision on whether to explore this potential of facilitating an art workshop because to do this would mean I would have to interact, get to know, and form relationships with people which I have built up quite a resistance to doing and so in looking at this point I go into resistance because I don’t want to form or build relationships with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that no one would come to my workshop and so would rather not even place myself in that position and then so simply avoid making the decision to pursue this or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play-out scenarios in my mind of me failing at teaching an artist workshop where I experience within myself different negative energetic reactions to the play-outs in my mind and then based on this, end up going into resistance towards this potential opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated with myself for not exploring this opportunity where I really do this full-on, where the frustration lies in the point of where I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as being so indecisive within my life in terms of not knowing what to do or how to direct myself within my life, particularly within the context of Art which I have built up so many reactions and ideas and perceptions and judgement and energies around that I am like completely lost in relation to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely overwhelmed by my mind where I am overcome by an experience of hopelessness because it just feels like I am so lost in relation to my mind and so within this, more readily and easily move myself into a point of “giving up” in relation to my self supportive process of self writing to assist and support myself to stand equal to my mind and actually establish a Complete Self Awareness of me so that I can take full responsibility for myself which will require of me to understand the functioning of myself and thus my mind completely so that I understand exactly how I am operating and directing myself in every moment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I see/experience a point of ‘wanting to give-up’ in relation to the application of supporting myself to understand my mind and stand equal to my mind so to assist and support me to become more effective in my living expression, to when I see myself “wanting to give up on this” due to that experience of “feeling overwhelmed”, I in that moment stop and take a breath. Here I commit myself to then only focus on the “next step” whether that be one single sentence to write or just doing one small point in the direction of supporting myself which is the point that the resistance, overwhelment, and wanting to give up is in relation to, and to in identifying that one small step to then thus physically move myself to do that.

I commit myself to remember that feeling absolutely stuck within myself is most often not actually the case but more just an acceptance of my own self creation and so to when I am faced with such moments where I just don’t want to do any more, where I don’t want to even move one muscle to support myself, to in such moments realize that all excuses I come up with to validate such a point of for instance ‘not moving even one muscle to support myself ‘  is really just an excuse and not actually valid and so here I commit myself to in such moments when I see myself existing in this state of no more wanting to do anything at all to support myself,  to breath and take a moment to just slow myself down and bring myself back here to breath to the physical and out of the mind, I realize that in such moments I am able to direct myself, to will myself,  and to do so or not do so is a Decision that I make – and so to instead of accepting what I have created to become my “normal procedure/instructions” in such moments as simply ‘giving up’ and not utilizing self will, I here commit myself to after slowing myself down in and as breath and bringing myself Here to the moment,  to look at the very first small step that I can see to take and thus to Will and Direct myself to physically move myself into and as taking that first small step towards supporting myself. And to here assist and support myself to walk myself out of the pit of apathy that I have dug for myself and have accepted and allowed myself to exist within as an accepted pattern within my life. And thus walking myself out of the Apathy Pit Pattern as that point of where I just give up on myself and have stopped even trying to support myself to support myself and find practical solutions to stabilizing myself in my life and becoming more effective in my application of self support and living.

I commit myself to realize that Apathy is a PATH that I have walked into aPATHYy through consistently not willing myself to take that first step in supporting myself in moments where I am facing a moment of either supporting myself or not supporting myself and where I experience resistance and it feels like my body is so heavy and I just so so so much don’t want to take that first step and support myself but just want to give up and lay down in the pit of apathy that I have carved out for myself by walking the path to aPATHy moment by moment step by step – each step being the moment when I decided to give in and give up instead of WILLING myself to physically move myself to take initially that very first step to supporting myself and then from there proceeding to continue this point of simply walking one step at time one breath at a time in supporting myself  to actually understand and stand equal to my mind and actually establish an effective stability and direction and consistency in my self support and thus Physical Living Expression.

 

Basic Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution Presented by the Equal Life Foundation
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
equalmoney.org – Learn What Equal Money is all about and Vote on Goals and Principles
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Solutions.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s