Here I am going to continue with the Self Forgiveness I began yesterday in relation to the point of the ‘emotional experience’ that I was having come up within me recently in relation to my job.
Here I am going to now look at the ‘positive’ charges in relation to my current job and essentially within this investigate how I have in fact constructed my emotional/feeling experience in relation to my job, here to assist and support myself to stabilize myself within my reality and within my job so that I am able to simply be here and Self Directive without being directed by my emotional/feeling experience which I find currently is the case.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with a ‘positive energetic experience’ in relation to my current job particularly within the context of my job having something to do with ‘Art’ which I have associated with ‘positivity’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a ‘positive’/’negative’ relationship towards art where I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Art’ within and as energy, instead of stopping my energetic relationship with the point of ‘Art’ and simply Direct myself within and in relation to art in a practical way within a context that is best for all, where I simply ‘take-out’ the energetic interplay going on where as I have found recently that this experience has become quite extensive within me where there seems to be a few different various energetic points as emotional and feelings experiences moving and directing me and affecting who I am within my application of art to the degree where I am ‘at a loss’ within it, unable to see ‘Art’ within a context that is practical and direct where I can trust my Self Movements and Direction within this point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience this ‘strange interplay’ of emotions and feelings at work, where I have formed this idea that “the point is not going to work” because it has to do with ‘Art’ and to thus here have accepted and allowed myself to base this belief on the idea that I have created myself that ‘Art and Money Do not mix’ and so here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to steadfastly hold onto this idea that ‘art and money do not mix’ and so thus in relation to this idea, end up experiencing an emotional/negative experience while I am at work because there is such a contradiction within me where I go to work yet at the same time as I am at work am constantly thinking/existing within the idea that ‘art and money don’t work’ which create a contradiction because every day I am going to my job and physically doing art while internally impulsing myself with the idea that “it will never work” an idea that I see also is linked to this idea that ‘art and money do not mix’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself hostage within the idea that “I will never make money with art” or “you can never make money with art” or “art and money don’t mix” because that is what I have always been told and also had seen within my life in relation to seeing others as well as myself who ‘failed to make money with art’ and so I formed the idea that ‘art and money never go together’ where I have gotten to the point of accepting ‘certain failure’ within my current job because my current job is related to doing art, so here I am still here imposing my opinions/beliefs/ideas on my job instead of simply practically assessing the point and directing myself accordingly. Something that I have been unable to do as this emotional/feeling experience, primarily of ‘distraught’ has been coming up and influencing me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake with my new job which is indicating that I am not yet ‘seeing directly’ and/or clearly the practical points in play with my new job but still allowing an emotional/feeling experience to direct me, otherwise I simply see the practical points at play and simply direct myself in relation to the principle of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of “needing something to work’ where instead I simply walk here and do what I must be done within the context of what is best for all and thus stand and live by the principle not adhering myself to any particular point but allowing myself to change as necessary as points open up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it does not matter what I do as a job, but that I am here in every job that I do, and the point is to simply breathe and walk my process of aligning myself with and as the physical while within and as I do this to practically assist and support myself within my daily living within the current context of the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “Art” is where I have the best chance to make money and in this limit myself in terms of “where I allow myself to see myself” where essentially I am not allowing myself to see myself walking other points as I have accepted a form of limitation within what I see myself as capable of doing and in this do not branch out and allow myself to develop and learn new skills. And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my accepted “Skill Set”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of ‘positive experiences’ believing that “I must hold onto them” that “I must protect them” and to in this make myself a slave to positive experiences not wanting to give them up despite how this compromise myself within my practical living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and assume that if I enjoy something that “it must be wrong” that “I must be doing something wrong”
I am going to pause here and in my next blog walk the Self Corrective Statements in relation to the Self Forgiveness that I have written in this blog and my previous blog.
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