Holding Back – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 432

Indecision

Today was my second day on the sales floor where I work selling art. A point that I have noticed on both day 1 and day 2 is that I actually ‘don’t want people to come into the gallery’. I understand that the point of my being on the sales floor is to sell art and that that requires customers to come into the gallery, however though, I have noticed that some of the time I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this point of secretly within myself ‘not wanting people to come into the gallery’ which I see is simply a point of fear that I have within me which requires to be corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to speak to people that come into the gallery and particularly I see the point of me not wanting to engage the customer/individuals entering the gallery or walking by the gallery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back rather than assert myself within the point of doing sales at the gallery where I see within myself that I could in fact be more ‘front and center’ and assertive in engaging the customer instead of doing what I have at times accepted and allowed myself to do which is to sit back and wait and also be very tentative in approaching and speaking with customers where Id rather sit back and not say or do anything that might make someone uncomfortable – this includes trying/practicing my sales techniques – instead of being more consistently ‘outgoing’ in my approach where I actually assert myself and be more ‘active’ in the sales process instead of my ‘normal accepted style’ of being passive, and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be passive in my ‘sales approach’ which I can also see is how I approach my living in general where I am not daily asserting myself and engaging myself and placing myself in a position of action but more taking the ‘senic route’ rather wanting to lay low and assess things first before finally taking actions towards something, and also to when I finally do take action, to give up easily, particularly if I am met with resistance and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a passive approach to life and also here to my sales approach in my new position on the sales floor of my job, where I have taken this such ‘passive approach’ because this way I can ‘avoid conflict’ and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict and actually try and avoid conflictual situations and in this have accepted and allowed myself to really stand back in my life and more just end up getting walked over or pushed aside because I have not been willing to stand in a position that requires me to actually deal with and direct points of conflict, and in this I have ultimately compromised myself and not directed myself to live to a greater potential than what I am currently accepting as ‘my life’ and ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am capable of within my life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my ‘fear of conflict’ to direct and influence me in my life, even within seeing how this ‘fear of conflict’ has limited me where I have essentially compromised myself by accepting and allowing this fear of conflict to have authority in my life, instead of me Standing as the Authority of my life and Directing myself and Doing what is necessary to be effective within our current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in relation to an accepted and allowed ‘fear of conflict’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into that point within myself of “holding back” in instances where I see an opportunity to speak up, where its like within myself my heart starts to beat faster and I start to experience some anxiety within myself where its like there is a point right here for me to stand up and speak or engage customers/individuals but its like in that moment instead of doing this and speaking I will rather hold myself back, say nothing and just ‘hold it in’ and so here I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to in these such situations actually Direct me to actually Speak up consistently to assist and support myself to move myself out of this point that I have always accepted and allowed myself to exist within in my life which has ended up having a detrimental consequence in my life, this point of “holding back at the very moment when I should speak up” and so here to actually speak up and in this moving/directing myself out of this accepted and allowed ‘passive character’ into a more engaging and assertive expression of me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in my holding back, in my passive approach to things, I have essentially accepted and allowed those willing to speak up, willing to ‘seize the day’ to do just this, and in this take control and power of this earth and essentially destroy it because they have not actually honoured life which I have tacitly endorsed and approved by not standing up by not speaking, but have actually supported by saying nothing and fading into the background with my passive ways.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that each breath I take there exist a relationship between myself and all that is here from the perspective that thus in each breath I have an opportunity, a moment to Stand within and as Self Support as the process of supporting me into becoming and existing as a being that honor Life within a point of what is best for all within equality and oneness, and that it is here that my true colors are formed and that these colors do not lie but exist as the very essence of who I am, and that I am essentially forming these colors in every moment, in every breath and that I see here the value in focusing on Each and Every Single Breath I breathe each day to assist and support myself to in these breaths live in alignment with what is best for all. And here in doing this develop and establish a foundation of myself that I would be proud of. That I would be so proud of that I would want to share this who I am, that I would want to stand up and show to people who I am and thus in this assisting and supporting myself to step out of my ‘existence of passiveness’ which has become a  convenient path for one who realizes as I realize that I am not living to my potential and further more that I am / have accepted and allowed myself to exist within points of abuse and self compromise and shame and guilt and regret which undoubtedly would result in an agreeance to taking the passive and quiet road out of site, instead of the road of visibility, and speaking up.

So here I see the relationship between a familiarity with taking a passive road and a ‘life lived’ that I actually am not proud of, that I am actually not really bursting to show or tell anyone. And so I can also see how it would be supportive to actually really align myself to the process of Self Correction in Living in Self Honesty and assisting and supporting myself to within my process of Self Forgiveness which I am also seeing here is a process that is taking place in every moment, where I am able to simply walk moment by moment, and breath by breath and focus on Living within and as this point of Self Honesty and Self Support in One Breath at a time. To in this support me in bringing me to a point of actual Self Respect so that Id rather when the moment arrive be more inclined to step out of the shadows.

Basic Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution Presented by the Equal Life Foundation
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
equalmoney.org – Learn What Equal Money is all about and Vote on Goals and Principles
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Soluitons.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

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