I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on things quickly like even wanting to give up writing this sentence when I get 6 or 7 words into it where inside myself I have a ‘drop’ within myself where its like I ‘lose purpose’ or ‘lose interest’ in what I am doing, literally immediately as soon as I begin. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by this ‘immediate lose of interest’ in something as soon as I begin it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my attention span on and within my mind as thoughts, and particularly what I have noticed is ‘energy’ where I will go into this ‘deflated’ experience within myself towards the point that I am participating with in that moment, and so in this experience where I suddenly become deflated and disinterested, I give up on continuing the point that I am busy with, which I have noticed comes up a lot recently in relation to writing and reading, and generally with other points as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my “short attention span experience” power over me and allow this to decide how I direct myself in my world, where what ends up happening is I just jump from one thing to the next and never really deeply or even moderately investigate anything in this reality where what I see taking place is that I am merely skimming the surface of this world and ultimately existing as the ‘perfect consumer’ where I just exist in this world entertained my media and existing within a state of immediate gratification and therefor never getting below the surface of this world or myself and understanding how things actually function.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my energetic as my feeling and emotional experience direct me within my life and as a result have recently noticed myself giving up on things as soon as I receive the ‘energetic experience signal’ from within me in relation to the point that I am in that moment doing/walking/participating with, where as soon as this energetic signal come up within me that tells me, I am bored or I am not interested in this, which I see is more based on an experience which I give words to, so the ‘energetic experience signal’ I would define as a ‘deflated’ or ‘defeated’ or ‘complete disinterested’ experience that comes over me, where as soon as I experience this experience which can sometimes happen in literally seconds, I react/respond/direct myself according to this and will often just “move onto the next thing” so like for instance I have noticed in reading I will literally read the first paragraph of something and then quit and give up and think within myself “this is not worth my time” and then what happens is that I never really investigate anything or go deeply into something because what I am seeing here is I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by this ‘short attention span’ by this ‘energetic experience signal’ instead of stopping and breathing and not allowing my “attention span” to direct me and lead me to just jumping from one thing to the next.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed by media and consumer culture and as a result my ‘attention span’ as the energetic experience I have within myself in relation to and as I am walking a particular point has become not only short but also dominant where I have in essence become a subject and obedient slave of/to my attention span instead of me directing myself within my reality based on practical common sense, which for instance would indicate that jumping from one point to the next only skimming the surface is not a practically effective strategy to moving/walking/applying myself within my reality.
When and as I see myself getting ready to take on a new task or placing my attention into something new or different I make sure that within this I slow myself down and make sure that I give the point I am now moving into/moving my attention into enough/sufficient time necessary to in fact do a thorough and compete review/investigation into of the point, instead of accepting and allowing myself to just give things a quick glance and then jump to the next thing which is what I noticed I have been doing lately and obviously produce a result of really never coming to any kind of understanding towards anything in my reality as I do not take the time to in fact investigate the various parts and aspects of this reality but end up ‘passing them off as unimportant’ which I see is actually an excuse created to justify and perpetuate the short attention span state of mind.
I commit myself to stop approaching things and or looking for things to just entertain me and occupy me and so in this approach things with the mind set of just finding something to entertain me and essentially feed my mind as producing feel good energies inside me which thus has the consequence of never really going deeply into anything or investigating anything with any substance as I am more moving myself as my attention through things and though my world in a way where I am just looking to extract the energy from things where I am searching in my world for something that will occupy and feed my mind and in essence entertain me, just like liking the sugar off the top and throwing the rest out.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to transform the starting point of my self movement as the movement of myself as my Self Attention, from one of ‘searching for entertainment’ to one of ‘investigating and reviewing things in a more substantial complete way’ where in this I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more accept and allow myself to be directed by the short attention span just skimming and jumping along the surface of everything just looking for “the quick fix” where I never in fact get to know or understand how this world and things are really working because I never really investigate the facts of a point which actually require a “complete investigation” And so thus here I commit myself to when and as I approach points or and as I move myself as my attention onto and through the various points/places/things/tasks within my day, that I do this from the starting point of actual thorough investigation, of actually slowing myself down and walking myself point by point, detail by detail, through the task before me, such as reading where instead of just skimming through and ‘trying to get the gist of it’ I actually read every word so that I in fact understand the totality of what is being expressed so that in this I can actually make some kind of assessment, of that which I just read, and to when and as I see the thoughts coming of “boring” or “this is not interesting” or/and the experience of experiencing like a ‘deflation’ within myself towards the task/point at hand, I Stop myself from being directing by such points/thoughts/experiences/dimensions of myself as I see that that is my short attention span, that is my mind that I have programmed and that has been programmed by consumer culture which in fact does not support me and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to Direct Myself and in this develop myself and my ‘attention span’ to be one that work within the model of Actual Real Investigation into a point and getting the entire story and in this I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice developing a more Substantial Attention Span, one that support me in my process of actually getting to know myself and how this world work. Which I see also implies that it is more effective to understand one thing due to a complete investigation and thorough review than to understand nothing as a consequence of only partial, and short attention span reviews.
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