I was out painting again today. I have been focusing primarily on Landscape Painting because they are more marketable. I was experiencing a point of frustration in relation to this again today. The frustration is in relation to feeling like I am stuck between a rock and hard place with my Art. Where I must spend my time on what is ‘marketable’ rather than more focusing on painting about what I really want to say. So I feel trapped within this.
Its like my total expression in art, slowly but surely starts to become formed in relation to money where ‘I’ am not really expressing myself anymore but instead just painting what is marketable and what sells. So here the Artist is rewarded if they support the LIE of LIFE and is ignored if they actually reveal and show the truth about the LIE that is LIFE we have all accepted.
Painting is interesting because it is like an investigation into reality. It has limitations where one is basically recording ones observations within the parameters of the 4 corners of the canvas where in the end you have the painting as the testament of the Artist as what they observed and decided to present to the world as their observation.
With landscape painting I am going out to ‘nice spots’ and making nice pictures that people like and want to hang in their home because it is a nice picture. Though this is not real reality, because I find there is so much about reality that is not nice. Yet 100 percent of my paintings are ‘nice scenes’ when 100 percent of this reality is not nice, and so essentially I am misrepresenting reality with my Art. My paintings are not a true investigation into the truth of this world within the context which we are currently living.
Obviously the Art I make must sell otherwise I do not eat, and the gallery where I show my work does not make money and they do not eat if their business is not bringing in money. So there is many layers of control with regards to the invisible hand that guides the artists brush.
I understand the context of why I am doing what I am doing in terms of painting the landscape. It is marketable and at the moment one require money to live and so I am directing myself to ‘play the part’ so to speak simply as a point of generating money.
So this experience of myself which I will call frustration where its like there is this tension inside of me between these 2 points. On the one hand I must paint the landscapes as standing within that role of the artist within our current accepted delusional version of reality, and on the other hand I see that this is not really ‘who I am’ as an Artist/Being in terms of what I really see and understand as the ACTUAL Reality we are existing as, where to make art about this Actual Reality would in fact be of more value in terms of really supporting humanity and individuals and life at the moment.
I am grateful for Desteni because without Desteni It is extremely likely that I would have no where to really speak about who I am and what I see as actually important. Desteni is cool because we are group and when there is a group its like it create this kind of security in a way where I am more able to share and speak the truth of this reality that I see and I am not alone. Desteni is a group that actually support in bringing the truth of who we are and the truth about our reality to the fore, where everywhere else this all gets lost underneath the surface of our daily presentations that we live and actually have come to accept as who we really are and what life is really about.
So I want to say thank-you to Desteni and everyone involved for establishing this space where I as an individual can actually share whats going on inside me and be supported to see and share what is going on inside me. It has really supported me in developing a point of contact with actual real life. Within this it provides a point of being grounded as well where without this Id probably just have floated away into the illusional reality that has been accepted as the normal flow of life that everyone seems to just go along with and not question the fact that for instance Artists are not expressing themselves but just ‘falling in line’ with the accepted version of reality that essentially strip self expression out of the equation to the degree where the artist, the very symbol of self expression has become just another component of the greater system feeding and perpetuating the Lie that we Call LIfE.
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