“I am Fine” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 391

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself others because ‘id rather not have them see me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself from others because of the judgement I have towards myself which I do not want others to see. I do not want them to see what I see about myself, because I am ashamed of myself and oh what a shame it would be for them to shame me just as I shame me, and so I will avoid being seen at all costs, locking myself away from others where I am safe and do not have to face that moment of being seen by others where I look them in the eye and there is that recognition that I am hiding, have been hiding, which I see is related to me fearing other people seeing that there is ‘something wrong’ with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people thinking that there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to have worked hard to secure an impression of me in the eyes of others, as one who is ‘always ok’ who is ‘strong’ who is ‘upbeat’ who is ‘normal’ and where ‘there is never anything wrong’ and so when I start stumbling within myself, and within my world, rather than have this be seen by others, I hide myself away in isolation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must protect the personality/character that I have created as the “I am always ok” character, because I believe that if I am not ok that this is a weakness, and I am weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend more effort in creating a character and personality that gives the impression of me ‘being ok’ than actually assisting and supporting myself to Correct myself through a process of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the very character that I have created as the “I am always ok” Character, placing my hope and trust in this Character, meanwhile under the surface, things are not ok, as there is still much within me that requires Correction within a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the fear I have of ‘others knowing that I am not ok’ where I will do everything in my power to make sure that people always have the impression of me that “I am fine” even when I am not. Where this has become like my mission in life, my purpose, my dedication, to make everything think or believe or perceive that “I am ok” that “I am fine” no matter what is going on with me in my life. Because somewhere within my life I created the paranoia of anyone possibly knowing how things are really going inside me. And so I have become a master of disguise, a master manipulator where ‘you wouldn’t know it by looking at me’ that anything is wrong, but rather would get the impression that ‘things are ok’ because I have learned to always present myself this way around others. Because I fear people actually knowing something about me that goes beyond the surface of me, because when this happens I am vulnerable, and holy mumma I fear that. And so I live my life being very very reserved around people, and never really showing much of myself or letting anyone in, particularly ‘strangers’ or even acquaintances, where instead my relationships with people I have formed in a calculated way, only ever giving off a Specific Impression of me, to make sure that they do not know the real me, because they might judge me if they knew the real me, they might see, Ok I am just normal, or I am not special, or I am not capable, or I am not this super being, that I so wish I was or even worse what if they see that I am weak, or inadequate or a failure actually, because man that would be shameful, what if they see that I haven’t accomplished much, or have lived an ordinary life. Or that I have not been successful.

I commit myself to investigate this “I am Fine” Character and investigate all that which I am trying to protect and hide about myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself stop trying to make myself into something ‘more’ so that I can accept me, where then and only then will I be willing to share myself because then I will have something actually to share.

I commit myself to realize that the ME that I present to others is not the real me, and thus I commit myself to stop believing my own Character that I am presenting as myself as the “I am fine” Character, where I will FILTER extensively who I am and only share that which I deem to be supportive to the Character that I am presenting myself as to be seen in a way where people like me or that I am perceived as important or valuable to others – and thus I commit myself here to assist and support myself to always work with the entirety of me and not end up believing that the edited version of me that I present to everyone is actually me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to LIVE HERE, and thus stop attempting and trying to LIVE OFF the experiences/ feelings/energy I get from people buying into my Character I present as me and thus responding in a way that I want them to as the impression they have of me that I am presenting myself as where I only show an edited version of me so to manipulate others into seeing me as Valuable.

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
equalmoney.org – Learn What Equal Money is all about and Vote on Goals and Principles
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Soluitons.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

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One thought on ““I am Fine” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 391

  1. Pingback: Feeling Trapped is Doom | A Friend to Yourself

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