I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions about my life when I am ‘in reaction’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to supress emotions and feelings that come up as reactions where instead of assisting and supporting myself to open them and understand them in terms of where they are coming from, I will go into a point of ‘wanting to supress’ them to just make them go away, and essentially relieving myself of them without investigating and understanding them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to having my project not work out today, where its like “I have allot riding on this” and thus cannot ‘afford’ to have these points not work, and so when my project did not work today, its like now there is an added dimension to this which ultimately is linked to money and time, where thus “I cannot afford to ‘SPEND’ time on things but rather time must be an “INVESTMENT” thus where I ‘Invest’ my time into projects and so when projects do not work out, it is like I wasted that Time and essentially lost money, and so this is part of what is causing my ‘negative’ reaction today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to try and run and hide from my experience instead of facing it, breathing, and walking through it – thus always wanting the quick fix, and so when a point comes up like the one today where my project did not work out and I went into reaction, I then go into this point of wanting to supress my experience instead of facing it/working with it and coming to understand it/myself.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to believe my project not working out today is an ‘omen’ for the future, and thus this is also related to my ‘reaction’ because it’s like now my fear is coming true of this project actually not working out in a practical way, a point I have feared, and accepted and allowed myself to fear, without stopping and investigating deeply this fear that seem to accompany without fail when ever I take on projects of the nature of the one I did today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define perfection within the context of Art where my Art has become more important than me, where its like I rather seek and desire a form of perfection in my art. Where its like If I can make my art good, then ‘everything will be ok’ and in a way I don’t have to pay any attention to me but just put all my attention ‘outside of myself’ on something like ‘doing art’ which I become completely obsessed with perfecting/achieving a kind of perfection within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in the point of achieving a form of perfection in my art where in this I attempt to create/find/achieve a Sense of Value and Fulfilment within myself through my Art, where if you take this point of Art away, Its like I am left defenceless with no way to fulfil myself.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to redefine Value and Fulfilment where this is no more attached or connected to the point of me doing art so who I am and the well being and experience of myself is not dependant on or connected to the point of ‘doing art’
I commit myself to assist and support myself to ask myself what it means to perfect Myself within the context of who I am here as me as the simplicity of me, instead of externalizing this process into/onto art where art becomes my focus as that which I give my attention to perfect, meanwhile I absolutely neglect myself in the process, where all my attention goes ‘away from me’ and onto art. And so thus
I commit myself to assist and support myself to work with and refine my application of Supporting myself, where here I realize that I am the work of Art, and that there is allot within and as me that requires refinement and correction, and so I commit myself to tend to the work of art that is me, because at this stage, this work of art is in need of support, care, attention.
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