Today there was a client that came by the Studio where I was working to look at what we were making. He was brought by the owner. When I first noticed that the owner had a Client with him I was actually excited because I like to see the people that actually purchase the products we are making. One reason I like this is because ‘I want to contribute’. ‘I want to contribute’ from the perspective of ‘making a good impression’ and essentially becoming more effective at sales, particularly within the context of the field I am working within, so yes, I was excited to see the owner and the client.
But there was also a point of fear within me of ‘saying the wrong thing’ which would lead to ‘losing a sale’ obviously the point I would like is that what I say and do actually lead to a sale, but then also here have the fear of the opposite happening.
I decided I would shake the clients had and introduce myself. I was not sure if I should do this or not or if I should be ‘touching’ the client. So here I see this fear/paranoia of ‘doing the wrong thing’ like all my ‘moves’ and all my ‘words’ must be so calculated and specific. So I shook his hand, but his handshake was quite strong and mine was not strong. So I reacted immediately in a negative reaction and then the entire time the client was there I was thinking about how I ‘ruined everything’ So now it was like there was this negative energy in me like ‘I failed’ or ‘fucked up’ or ‘ruined everything’ in terms of making a ‘good impression’ that would facilitate a sale.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel/experience myself as nervous around those who have lots of money, one reason being is that because in my mind they have the power because they have the money, and thus could potentially ‘give me power as money’ if I say and do the right things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communicating with the clients at work because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not effective with facilitating sales and so more just keep my words brief where my point more is to just get out of the way so that a sales person can make a sale, where I just make the products and I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I couldn’t possibly make sales already because ‘that type of thing takes practice and a learning process and does not happen right away” or at least that is what I believe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be quick to judge myself within the context of my ability to make sales to clients, where in I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk the necessary process where I learn how to actually do this, but here have just accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I must just get it straight away’ and so have created unrealistic expectations.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be comfortable around clients, but more exist within a fear – a fear of saying the wrong thing, and so here is a kind of tension/anxiety within me when I am talking to them, and thus I am not here and as directive and communicative as I could be because I am in fear of ‘saying the wrong thing’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘people with money’ as ‘different’ than me and believing that I am not able to understand them, and thus effectively facilitate a sale with them, because ‘they(rich people) are beyond me and ‘out of my understanding threshold’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety when I am communicating with a client, and doing this to the degree where I will avoid them all together and just stay out of the way believing ‘but I couldn’t possibly be of any assistance, I will probably just make things worse’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is better for me to now speak, than to speak, where here I am actually just allowing myself to respond to my fear, where I have justified that “it is better that I do not speak” which is convenient because I have fear in relation to speaking up, voicing myself and actually communicating and interacting with clients, where I fear I will say the wrong thing or make a bad impression and thus lose a sale, and so will just hold back and not say anything because is like the easiest option.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just let everyone else do the talking even though in todays day in age, what you see is that those that do the talking as the politicians are actually destroying our planet and thus this indicates that the ones that ‘normally do the talking’ don’t necessarily know exactly what to do or what to say all the time, and thus could actually in some instances being saying the wrong thing, and thus the point here however is for me to recognize this and thus maintaining a critical assessment of the situation and to not just go along with things a ‘face value’ because that is the ‘norm’ as what this world indicate is that ‘the norm’ is actually destroying humanity and the earth and life as we know it, and thus ‘the norm’ is actually not what is best, yet we all go along with it as if there is something valid about this pre-conditioned way of being and way of how things work, and thus better trust it and not challenge it because ‘it is how things usually go’
When and as I see myself going into anxiety and fear in relation to speaking to clients, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is a reaction that I have created within myself through various experiences from my past where I have essentially created this anxiety and fear within me particularly towards ‘clients’ I also see that I do not know exactly where or how I created this anxiety/fear reaction that come up automatically, meaning, I am not yet understanding clearly where this specific reaction is coming from, thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to investigate my past in with regards to looking at the relationship that I have live throughout my life within the context of ‘buyer and seller’ and how I have defined such points within myself to in this assist and support myself to develop Stability within myself when communicating/interacting with Clients where I actually move myself to understand how and where and when and why I react the way I do, thus understanding the relationship that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/live within the context of buyer and seller so to within this assist and support myself to become more Effective and Stable within Communicating and Interacting with clients that come in as work, and thus assisting and supporting myself to stop being directed by a reaction that just now ‘automatically’ come up that I have not yet directed myself to look at and investigate in detail so to actually stabilize myself here and stop my reaction of fear and anxiety that come up within this context.
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