There is no real clear points here atm in terms of something to write about, so I am just going to write about my day and see what comes up.
My day started normally, I woke up.
I was a bit more tired this morning than on other mornings but I was stable.
I made my lunch and left for work.
I went to the coffee shop which I do every morning to get a coffee for my 40 min drive to work.
I spoke some Self Forgiveness in the car as I drove to work. I find this is actually one cool point of having a 40 minute drive to work in the mornings is that it is a moment where I am able to apply Self Forgiveness.
Speaking Self Forgiveness has been one of the parts of my process that I realize I have not yet established as a tool of support. I have spoken/applied lots of Self Forgiveness during my process but still see this as one aspect that I require to specify and work with to effectively assist and support myself to really get to know myself and release myself from the mind so to speak. So I have been using my time in the mornings to speak Self Forgiveness outloud and practice the point of Speaking/Sounding Self Forgiveness.
When I got to work, I was the only one there. I was starting to New bear sculpture today so found the rock that I was going to be carving and started to look it over and determine how exactly the Bear is going to fit within the rock.
It was quite an odd shaped rock, and I could tell in the beginning that I had anger coming up within me. I am grateful for this process that I have been walking with Desteni and getting to know myself because for instance in situations like this one, I saw straight away this ‘anger’ come up within me, and also seeing the different back-chats coming up in relation to the anger, in relation to this ‘odd shaped rock’ I mean if I have not been walking this process I would have very likely got carried away in my anger due to seeing it as valid and thus, end up fucking up my sculpture. So this is actually quite cool, because I find art, and in particular doing stone sculpture, one must actually be quite stable because one wrong slip or one movement done in frustration and you could mess your whole piece up.
I mean here I was in the very beginning stages of this piece and this anger comes up. I mean I simply breathed and stopped the anger and thus was able to simply be here and remain specific and deliberate in my assessment of the rock. I mean I remember in the past I would so many times get ‘stuck’ in frustration and ended up ‘ruining’ or ‘sabotaging’ so many art pieces.
I often think of the other artists in such situations and am grateful that I have learned about and applied the desteni tools, because I mean for them they might have ended up just letting the anger or frustration get the best of them, where its like this anger fills you up and you become possessed by it, and when that happens its like one no more becomes patient or deliberate in ones actions but more moves into a possessed state with possessed movements that become more frantic – that is not cool at all for making art.
So yes, I simply stopped the frustration and anger and back-chat coming up that perhaps a few years ago, may have sabotaged that entire morning for myself. Instead I remained Here, I breathed and I remained focused and calm. And shit, I ended up doing exactly that which I thought “I would never be able to do” in the beginning when the anger started coming up and attempting to insert itself into my day and into my practical assessments.
So it was cool because I got the feedback too that ended up proving that the anger that initially came up was in fact Bull-Shit. Because all the points I could see the frustration was in relation to ended up being ‘non-points’ The stone I was working with ended up being quite cool and now I am well on my way with the sculpture. The anger in the beginning was attempting to go into this ‘fuck this stone’ ‘what a fucked up stone’ – lol – The mind is nasty as you can see.
So here is an practical example of how ‘stopping the mind’ with the tools of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application has actually supported me to be a more effective artist. I mean this point can be extended to anything one do in ones life.
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