I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I am creating as my life; fear, in relation to that which I fear is going on within me ‘under the surface’ of my accepted and allowed awareness of myself. Where here, I fear the process ahead. I fear what is in store for me, I fear the consequence of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become/live, and within this that I am in a way ‘waiting’ for the shit to hit the fan, waiting for my hell to arrive, and that within this I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a kind of fear and petrification every day, in relation to ‘what I am creating within me’ because ‘man it cannot be good’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within participating within thoughts / pictures / imaginations / acceptances and allowances / feelings / words / beliefs / ideas / intentions /energies / possessions, that I know is not what is best for all, that I know is Self Dishonest, and that I haven’t stopped and investigated everyone of these, but rather have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a form of ‘self ignorance’, because “hey, if I don’t know the origin of the thought or how I created it, then I can sustain my participation in such points in a way facilitating my participation in such ‘evils’ and ‘abuses’ towards life because “I am not seeing the entire contexts of such mind dimensions” so in not seeing this, remaining ignorant of the NATURE of what I accept and allow myself to participate in. But within me I know it cannot possibly be ‘good natured’ and ‘best for all’ and so thus ‘Fear what I am creating’ because there is a part of me that realize that some of what I accept and allow myself to participate in, has within it, certain evils and abuses towards life that I am allowing within me, that I am existing within to allow such points, as thoughts, pictures, imaginations, opinions etc within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living and participating in that which I know has abuse as part of its structure and that here I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to identify each one of these ‘abuses’ and ‘evils’ that I am participating within and investigate it so to pinpoint exactly where and how this abuse/evil is existing within the point, and in this assist and support myself to really getting to know how I am functioning in every moment and what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as within in every moment, eventually getting to the point where I no more have to FEAR that which I am ‘ignorant’ of within me, because I have directed myself to clearly see and understand these ‘unknowns’ and in this assisting and supporting myself to Take Responsibility for what I am creating as my life, here, no more needing to exist in FEAR daily of ‘the consequence that I might be, that I suspect myself to be creating’ within how I live and who I am, no more requiring to fear this, due to the point of actually seeing, realizing and understanding how I am creating my reality in every moment so that there never exist that point of – you know when you are driving away from your house and you get that feeling like you forget something or overlooked something, that is what I am speaking about here. Its like in my life there is so many points that I ‘don’t see’ and that I deliberately ‘don’t see’ like that point that you just don’t want to do it right now so just ‘put it out of your mind’, but the thing is – You DID See the point, and you chose to ignore it, to pretend you didn’t see it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘room for interpretation’ within my life and within how I live everyday where I will accept and allow points to exist within me and within my life that I am NOT clear on, but that I will accept it anyways – though this ‘not clear’ is indicating that I was not deliberate with the point, and also that this point WILL play a part of the relationship of ones life as all the little relationships that make up ones total relationship as the ‘direction’ of ones life as what one is accepting and allowing to create/manifest as ones life through what one accept and allow within self and within ones life in thought, word, and deed. And so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to SLOW MYSELF DOWN and make sure each part/point within and as me and my life is specifically and deliberately placed within the context of what is best for all, so that all roads lead to Rome so to speak, as Rome here Standing for ‘What is Best for ALL’. But I have not done this, I have allowed misalignment’s in my life, so many in the details of my life and thus this is what I am fearing, I am fearing the consequence of these neglected points that I have ALLOWED to remain in ‘misdirection’ heading off into ‘some direction’ that I did not specifically, deliberately AIM, but more just kind of let it go where it ends up where I did not take the time to make sure the point is how I wanted it which is me NOT taking Responsibility for Myself within my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear those ‘Deliberately Self Dishonest’ points within me because here I see the relationship and I to some degree know the Consequence/outcome, and I see that consequence is not best for all, yet still continue to allow such relationships/points, which I see also is the same as ‘leaving things misaligned’ which I do deliberately to create some apparent ‘chance’ in my life some apparent ‘unexpected things’ , ‘because I cannot possibly direct every aspect of my life’ and so this way I can ‘go for’ self interest, as if ‘it was unintentional’ or that I can stand back and hold my hands in the air and say ‘it was not me’ and here not owning up to the fact that I still deliberately am holding onto Self Interest that I am not wanting to give up and walk What is Actually Best for ALL, so its like I am trying to do my best to disguise my self interest so to keep it part of my life, to make it seem and make myself believe that I cannot possible ‘do anything about it’ and in this I see I am also limiting myself because to Live in this way I must insist that and thus to not then take Self Responsibility and Clear Directive Principle for ALL of me, and so here then am living in a very wishy washy way, Not Living to my utmost potential within and as Taking Responsibility for and Direction Principle of EVERY Relationship that constitute who I am as Life, but allowing this application of ‘ignoring moments’ of ‘ignoring points that see require direction’. Making it seem as thought, I am unable to do anything about it, which as a ‘statement’ comes in handy as an excuse when I want to go for my ‘Self Interest’ and ‘Desires’ because then I can just given and go for it instead of Standing and Directing myself in a way that will Support me and Others in the process of establishing a life of Equality and Oneness and what is best for all, because “hey, I am unable to do anything about it” and so creating that opening for me to just ‘fuck it’ and go for self interest and desire instead of what is best for all.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to identify the small moments where I see I am allowing myself to ‘play dumb’ to ‘make it seem’ like “I don’t know what I am doing” and thus in identifying these moments, walking the process of “taking these moments back’ and thus Directing Myself within and as them in a way that is best for all, and thus stopping the accumulation of these moments of ‘playing dumb’ of ‘deliberate ignorance’ to build and become my life and how I am creating my life.
Here also I commit myself to assist and support myself through within writing to open up these moments so that I can see exactly how I have ‘acted’ in such moments, here, really slowing myself down when such moments come up where ‘I see a point but then quickly pretend I did not notice it’, where I am turning a blind eye, and thus to in such moments, Stop and Breath and slow myself down and to Correct myself in such moments to no more accept and allow myself to go into this form of ‘ignorance’ and rather here I commit myself to assist and support myself to re-align these ‘neglected moments to moments of SELF DIRECTION within the principle of PRACTICAL EFFECTIVENESS within the Context of What is Best for ALL, which at this stage imply the Establishment of my own life in the most practically effective and stable way that I am capable of creating, where here I am Taking Responsibility for ALL aspects/moments/realtionships of my life, from the inner to the outer, from the tiny relationships/moments to the greater relationship/moments – the point here being Stopping the acceptance and allowance of myself to go into ‘self ignorance’ within certain moments towards certain points, which ultimately lead to the Creation of my own FEAR, due to seeing sooooo many points/relationships in my life that I did not direct, specifically, deliberately within the context of Self Responsibility and What is Best for ALL’ and at some point this all will catch up with me, so best to really assist and support myself to Take Responsibility for Each and Every part/aspect of my life that I see I am able and capable of doing.
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