I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be the best at my new job, where I will do something only because someone else has, instead of ‘doing something’ because it is a practical consideration that fit the context of my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my ‘wanting to be better than others’ at my new job, drive me in the decisions I make and actions I take, instead of walking my life in self awareness, in self stability where I base my decisions on directing myself effectively within my life, not just to ‘be better than someone else’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess the effectiveness of my peers and if I see that there is a chance that someone might be better, immediately adjust myself and my application so that I am better, where then the starting point of my application of myself is based on competition and being the best, instead of within the consideration of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘what if I am not the best one’ and believe that this will be not good and so do everything in my power simply to ‘win’ or to ‘be the best’ which is a point I see coming up at my new job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘not being the best’ where I end up placing my attention on this fear and then directing myself according to this, instead of directing myself in common sense and practical considerations of what would in fact be best for me and best for all.
I forgive myself that I have, within my new job, accepted and allowed myself to move myself within based on the starting point of ‘competition’, ‘wanting to be the best’, ‘fear of being second best’ where these motivations make me do things that could not end with desired results as my self movement is not exacted within common sense and precise practical assessment of how best to move and direct myself within this point in a way that would be most supportive. And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by a ‘motivation to win’ where this ‘motivation to win’ exist as a kind of urge and surge within me that actually compel me to move instead of me moving myself deliberately where what I am doing is specific towards the result I want, a result that is best for all and supportive for me within my life within the context of what I am busy with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my common sense and practical insight to be overtaken by an ‘energy’ the ‘energy’ as ‘the desire to win’. Where this desire is really quite blind and limited in its scope where the only purpose is to win and be the best, instead of taking all into consideration and directing myself according what is practically best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that “if I am the best” than that is the best way to produce results…simply by ensuring that “I am the best” (within the point I am walking) however this “being the best” is not in fact a ‘what is best for me’ but is based on competition and winning instead of self-development, specificity and perfection.
When and as I see within myself, that ‘urge’, that ‘movement’ come up in me of ‘wanting to be better than others’ while I am training at my new job, I Stop and I breathe. I realize that this ‘urge’ is like an automatic point that come up within me that I have not really investigated in terms of all that is ‘behind’ it, so to speak. Though, I do see that it is an ‘urge’ I followed in my past and is linked to the point of ‘wanting to be the best’ particularly within art. I commit myself to in such moments, Stop and Breathe and stop myself from being ‘motivated’ or ‘moved’ by such an ‘urge’ but I commit myself to assist and support myself to ensure that my movements and application within my new job are Deliberate and specific to produce the best results for all, and actually the best results for myself as well, where in this I no more accept and allow myself to simply blindly follow this ‘urge’ to be better than others to direct me as I see that in a way it is an ‘immature’ impulse as it is not considering the greater picture or entire context and all the points at play but is really just ‘surging’ after one thing and one thing only, and holding this ‘one thing’ as ‘being the best’ as ‘God’ and essentially becoming blinded by the light and thus not being sensitive and considerate of the more subtler points at play within the context of the situation and so from this perspective it would not produce the best results as this ‘urge’ is not in fact taking into consideration each part of the equation but just trying to override everything and force it’s will.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to as I walk this point of my new job, to breath and move slowly and deliberately and taking into consideration ALL points/parts/aspects of my new job, where I can actually walk this point in detail for myself in writing to assist and support myself to understand all the points at play more effectively, instead of just charging full steam ahead with the ‘blinders’ on being ‘driven’ by some ‘urge’ that suddenly in moments is triggered and comes up inside me attempting to assert its directive principle over me.