Assuming Its My Fault – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 343

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want ‘y’ to like me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and perceive that ‘for some reason’ ‘y’ doesn’t like me, and so based on this perception and idea manipulate myself to try and do things or be the way I think ‘y’ will like.
I forgive for accepting and allowing myself to ‘need’ or ‘want’ ‘y’ to like, instead of simply being here and breathing, and walking within the principle of Equality and oneness, and in this to treat ALL equally the way I would want to be treated, and also here to investigate the point of why I would ‘want’ someone to like me or ‘need’ someone to like me where if this is not the case, I have a problem with it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘wish’ ‘y’ would like me, because this would make it so much easier, ‘because then I would not have to ‘deal’ with it,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘just want this point to be over with’ not realizing that ‘if the point is just suddenly, automatically over with’ (and ‘y’ likes me) that I would in fact ‘miss the point’ and that actually what is here is an opportunity for me to explore and investigate this point and discover what the specific point is, thus, assisting and supporting myself into a more substantial and encompassing awareness of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘y’ on a pedestal, in a way seeing and defining him as having abilities that I do not but only desire to have but have seen/defined myself as ‘not able to do’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘place myself beneath’ other beings in my world where in this case its like I have LIMITED myself through by perceiving myself as inferior to another, particularly within certain skills and abilities, and in doing this have not allowed myself to see my own ability to be effective within this world, and so in a way here I have abdicated my power, my responsibility that I have to myself to support me and create me and my world to another, where in this case its like I have accepted and allowed the implication that’ ‘y’ holds the key to my happiness’ because ‘y’ has created a system that I perceive encompasses many of the points/aspects that I define as desirable and well suited to my expression within the context of the system, and so when I see this system, and I see that ‘y’ has created this system, instead of seeing this as an example of what can be done, and instead go into a kind of ‘inferiority’ accepting that ‘i could not possible do this’ and that the only way for me to walk/live such a point would be through the system that ‘y’ has created as the particular Job and Business he has created for himself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘link’ ‘y’ to my happiness, instead of taking responsibility for myself within my life and world, and create my life in an effective manner to my highest potential, and so here I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that what I have seen already is a cool example of what is possible within this world, in terms of aligning specific skills in a way that is suitable and effective within the context of this world/money system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want ‘y’ to like me because “he seems interesting and cool and nice”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself to get ‘y’ to like me instead of simply walking here in breath, realizing that ALL life is equal and thus I should value ALL life equally instead of giving some life as some people more Value than others which I have done to ‘y’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want ‘y’ to like me because “he seems to not like me”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disheartened because I perceive ‘y’ does not like me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is nothing I can do to develop an effective relationship with ‘y’.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to place more value on some people at work than others, where its like I have defined each being at work separately in varying degrees of value, instead of seeing the Equality of LIFE that exist within each one, and that that Life is Equal and so here I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and treat everyone at work equally.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘y’ as short tempered and in this fear making ‘y’ angry, and so here I am revealing a fear of anger, particularly when it comes from other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear like if I say one thing out of place that ‘y’ will get upset and snap at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and anxiety within my solar plexus when ever ‘y’ is around.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself go into an experience of disappointment within the perception that “me and ‘y’ will never get along”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to relate ‘y’ to a person from my past whom I had a similar relationship with, and so in a way automatically assume that the relationship will be the same instead of actually walking HERE Unconditionally and not pre-determining the Relationship before I actually walk it in real space time, and so here I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk this new relationship with ‘y’ Unconditionally, HERE, and in breath and not accepting and allowing myself to link this relationship to a relationship in my past and think they will be similar.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am different than I was in the past where at this stage in my life, I am not so consumed with competing and winning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘y’ is the Authority in the situation because he is the Boss, where I have automatically given my Authority and power to “Authority Figures” such as Bosses, where I just automatically assume that they know all the answers and know what is best instead of trusting myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Hold Back when I am around ‘y’ believing that this is what I should do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself for ‘y’ not liking me, thinking and believing that ‘i have done something wrong’ and that ‘i must change something about me’ not considering that it has nothing to do with me per se, but is things that is going on within ‘y’ as to the way he act/interact towards me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically there is something “I” am doing wrong or incorrect if someone has a problem with me, and in this try and change things about me, when in fact, I am not doing anything wrong, which is why this create a bit of a fuck – up as I go searching inside me for what I am doing wrong, but “cannot find anything” and then start worrying about it when in fact, the point is not really about me, and so here I see that I can breathe and just do my thing, and not get stuck in worrying and believing that “I am doing something wrong” when someone react to me, when when I look at the point can see nothing that I have done, and so
When and as I see myself going into a kind of “franticness” within ‘searching’ and ‘looking’ within myself towards something that “I have done or am doing wrong” when I perceive that ‘y’ does not like me, I stop and I breath. I realize that if someone react towards me that this is a point within them and that it is not necessarily “my fault” and so here I commit myself to in such a situation to ENSURE that I am not “assuming blame” for not reason, and so I commit myself to simply breath and remain here and simply stick to the point of assisting and supporting myself to treat all beings equally within the context of what is best for all, and that just because someone may react to me, does not mean I am automatically doing something wrong, and so I commit myself to stop “quickly assuming blame” and trying to change myself without first investigating and looking at the point and considering “ok perhaps this is a point within them that they are dealing and working on, and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to stick to just “being myself” so to speak and not going out of my way to change so that others “don’t have a problem with me” because this may indicate that it really is not me it is them reacting, and so here I commit myself to

 

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