Romanticizing about the Perfect Job – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 341

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the reasons, justifications, excuses that I conjure up in my mind to the degree where I do not see them as justifications and excuses but have trusted them as trustworthy reasons as to why I should essentially give into preference instead of sticking to principle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard taking responsibility for points at work, saying to myself, “It is not my responsibility” and then just “let someone else deal with it” who is more involved or committed to the job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequence that might/may show up in my life for “not taking responsibility” within my life to the degree I am able, where I had in moments, disregarded a point instead of directing it, and basically where I accepted and allowed myself to “run” from responsibility, instead of “facing” it where its like I have programmed my entire approach towards responsibility to be where I timidly approach it and more look for ways to get around it or get away from it, instead of Standing and Facing Directly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define “my life” as more important than taking responsibility for what is here in terms of “what needs to be done” where “I’d rather not commit myself to such a point of responsibility” because it might ‘inconvenience’ me within how I want to or would prefer to live/exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear how commitments and responsibilities I take on would interfere with “my free time” which really should be called my ‘fear’ time as I am constantly in fear of losing that free time and so want to protect it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach finding a career like I do finding a relationship, where its like I have created this “perfect ideal” that does not really exist, that I hold out and wait for, and thus can settle on nothing, as it does not match my perfect imaginary ideal that I have created and constructed within my mind.

When and as I see myself going into my imagination and participating within my mind within the various dimensions of the mind towards thinking about my ‘perfect ideal job’, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to here, back to the moment. I see, realize, and understand that the “perfect ideal job” that I participate with within the various dimensions of my mind is not real, as it is not HERE, and that in such moments, I am not Grounded and REAL REALITY, and thus walking Reality for what it really is. I commit myself to assist and support myself to STABILIZE myself HERE in the Physical in relationto my Job to ensure that I am walking here in the moment, and thus grounded and stabilized in REAL PHYSICAL REALITY, so as not to create any separation from my real reality, and so to be able to Direct myself Effectively within my Actual Reality, focusing my attention, my self, my direction here in this real reality assisting and supporting myself to hone my skills in moving and directing myself effectively within this Practical Real Physical Reality.

 

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