My Inner Experience is Too Much to Handle – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 318

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in my room to avoid experiencing energetic friction within myself that would occur when I was out facing my world where it was like there was various energies and situations coming at me from every angle and I would become overwhelmed with all the points and so just then go/retreat to my room where things were still and I was able to breathe and calm down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting hurt where for instance I would have a disagreement with someone or there was some other point of friction that would occur between me and another being, where it was like I just couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t handle that point of conflict, of energetic friction and so in order not to have to face this experience within myself which was kind of like a form of energetic pain or discomfort I just stayed clear of people all together and would avoid them and a good place where I could do this was my room, where I could go and close my door and not have to be assaulted by various energies and experiences that came up when walking in and facing my reality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my fear of experiencing energetic friction or pain direct me within my life where I submitted to this fear and there in formed and shaped my life and how I lived my life around this fear where for instance I would more prefer to just stay in my room and at times not even want to come out and face my world, because in facing my world I would be facing this experience I was having inside myself when interacting with people.
What I see here is that I am not actually investigating this point within me of how I experience myself in relation to other people, but that instead of doing this I just rather went into a point of avoiding people all together or where ever I could. This actually made it difficult to become effective within this world as this world and to live effectively within the System of Money one is required to develop and maintain relationships with people which I never developed an effectiveness within doing.
I see that when I stay in my room and go to my room and not want to face people, It is because I actually fear it. I do not like my experience of having to face people. This anxiety come up within me when ever I must go and face people in my world and eventually I get to points where “I just have had enough” and then go into a form of isolation where I will isolate myself from the world because the experiences within myself in walking and facing my reality become to much and the only way that I have developed to handle this is to isolate myself in my room and just be alone.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to actually investigate my inner experience within myself that initiate me wanting to and then eventually going to my room to be alone and not have to face these points as experiences within myself resultant from interacting with my world.
I commit myself to rather than just avoid these experiences all together through by hiding out in my room, to instead, assist and support myself to become stable within myself when and as I face such points as this is much more practical in terms of me establishing more effective living patterns which include the point of me actually being comfortable with interacting with people.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into this “I want to be alone” type character to investigate specifically what are the experiences that I am avoiding / wanting to avoid / not wanting to face and in this exploring these experiences/energies in writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application so to rather develop Self Stability and PRACTICAL Living ability, as it is NOT practical to jus hide out in my room within a world that functions on the relationships formed between person and person.

 

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2 thoughts on “My Inner Experience is Too Much to Handle – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 318

  1. Pingback: My Responsibilities Will Not Just “Leave Me Alone” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 322 | An Artists Journey To Life

  2. Pingback: Relationships That Matter – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 326 | An Artists Journey To Life

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