Here I am continuing with looking at the various dimensions of the point/character of “I need to be alone” where I will go into my room where this becomes a point of actually hiding from my reality and my responsibilities.
In this blog I am continuing with the Self Forgiveness and Self Corrections on the Thought Dimension.
me alone on my bed with the door closed in my room and it is quiet and its like I have made it and I have a period of time now in front of me where I can just stay in my room and really use that time to escape.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am out in my world, to bring up a picture/thought of me just being in my room alone where I do not have to anymore be in my world but can just be alone, and that in relation to this picture/thought experience a feeling of relaxation where its like “if only I could just be in my room alone everything will be fine” and thus within myself fuel this entire point of escaping my reality by going to my room to hide out and be away from it all.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that going to my room and hiding away from my reality is not in fact Assisting and Supporting me to see/realize/understand the experiences inside me that come up in me in relation to facing my reality, but that every time I resort to just going to my room to hide away where I am safe, I am not really dealing with the points that I am hiding and running from, but just have created a pattern where I go to my room where things settle down again but then to have the exact same reactions come up as before because I did not actually deal with them but more just hid from them through by going to my room.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way I can manage my reality is if I can go to my room to be alone, and so simply accept this thought/picture when it comes up inside me as a Solution, when it is not in fact a Solution as thus far I have not in fact effectively assisted and supported myself to face Myself as those points and experiences that come up within me that cause me to just want to go to my room, close the door, and shut everything out where I do not have to manage my world/reality at all.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that a pattern that I have developed through/within hiding out in my room all the time is that I end up only doing the bare minimum in terms of managing my practical world responsibilities. And so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really assist and support me to walk through those particular/specific experiences/energies/anxieties/fears/discomforts that are all moving inside me which I have not really walked effectively yet within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements but that I have rather accepted and allowed myself to influence and direct me to literally become non-functional within my reality because I just cannot bare to go out and face people and interact with people.
I see that one of the primary reasons that I prefer to go and stay in my room is because I “do not like” interacting with people, so then this is like a fear of people/fear of interacting with people where ‘being in my room’ is like the opposite of this, it is where there is NO people.
I also see that I am not coming to an actual Self Movement in terms of moving/transforming/correcting myself from the perspective that at this stage ‘being in my room’ is Not a choice I am making within and as a point of Stability but rather instead a “reactive choice” so to speak where I am often staying in my room, to avoid the energies and experiences that come up when I am out interacting in my world, and so that then A Directive Choice/Decision would be where I am not Responding/Reacting to Energy so to speak, but that I am moving/directing me from the Starting point of Self Stability where there is NO difference whether I am out walking in my world, and facing the Responsibilities of my reality and/or in my room, where my experience is Equal and One, and so I am not for instance in my room to ‘Avoid’ a particular experience.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to “PHYSICALLY MOVE MYSELF OUT OF MY ROOM” and face my reality and world which entails assisting and supporting myself within my process of writing to actually investigate in detail the experiences/points that I am avoiding by “going into my ‘room'” where this ‘room’ has become a mental and physical point where I will physically go into my room to avoid facing my responsibilities and will also go into a Mental Room within myself as a particular state or character where while in this Character will NOT face or walk my Responsibilities but go into avoiding this stuff. So more specifically here the point of the room is “going to my room to avoid my responsibilities and facing my world/reality” and so I commit myself to within my writings actually investigate in detail the points that I am “wanting to avoid” so that I am actually assisting and supporting myself to get to a point where I am no more accepting and allowing myself to continue in such a pattern of going to my room to avoid particular experiences that come up inside me while facing my reality.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to work with the information as the various dimensions of the energies/experiences that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than face, to avoid through by just going to my room and essentially trying to ignore and suppress the experiences that surface and come up within me while being “out in my reality”.
I commit myself to stop the acceptance and allowance of AVOIDING and thus Suppressing my reactions and experiences that come up within me when and as I walk and face my reality where it has not at all gotten any better and has thus not Supported me in becoming effective at all in my reality because I haven’t effectively faced/walked these energies and experiences that come up inside me as I am walking/facing my reality. ‘Walked’ meaning, investigated in writing and where I have applied effective Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to then Practically Live the Correction to in face FACE the particular energies within my reality as a process of no more accepting and allowing myself to LIMIT myself by just rather hiding in my room to avoid such ‘experiences’ but rather to practically face them and walk through them so that I can GIFT myself the Reward of actually being Practically Effective within this Life, something that will never happened within just constantly and continuously avoiding, suppressing and trying to hide in my room from these energies/experiences/points that surface as I am out in my reality practically walking and directing my Responsibilities.
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