Trying to Make up For Lost Time – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 308

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that its to late for me to develop patterns that will produce success and in this have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as a human being, accepting the generally accepted belief system I have learned growing up that as one become older they are unable to compete with those that are younger and here also I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time wishing I was younger instead of looking at and investigating why I would accept and allow myself to spend time in my imagination that only separate me from my power which is HERE in the moment, where I could be rather spending that time practically physically applying myself in a way to change and transform and develop patterns that will facilitate my process of actually doing something with my life instead of giving up on myself at this stage in my life.

What I see here is now the Imagination Dimension of this point that I am walking of accepting and allowing myself to exist within a state of believing that “I will never amount to anything in my life or that my life will Never go anywhere” So here as part of the Imagination Dimension of this Character/Personality I will go into imagining and thinking about being younger. This also consist of thinking about other people that are younger and imagining “if I was only them” or where in my imagination I will like go back in time and place myself into different positions/jobs within the system and in doing this imagine that I would be so effective simply based on the point that I am younger that that simple point is somehow the magical key.

So above I have laid out the “Imagination Dimension” of the “I am too old to change” Character.
What I see is that this particular Character is playing a role within the point of “I will never amount to anything / my life will never become of anything” where this point of age is like a primary construct that is holding this entire belief that “I or my Life will never become of anything” So this is what I want to look at specifically here; the point of Age and this Character/Personality that “I am to old to change” in relation to this point about me believing my life will never go anywhere. So above I have identified specifically some of the play-outs within the imagination dimension and am now going to continue will laying out the rest of the dimensions of this Character.

I remember when I was in around grade 8 I started to get interested in Renaissance Art and Artist. I just found the the work to be so Skilled and profound really compared to allot of the art that I was aware of that was being done today. I remember one day discovering that some of the Masterpieces that I was so intrigued about were done by artists that were actually quite young. This brought up a fear within me that “I was not good enough” or “I would never be good enough” I was always quite competitive in relation to art and when I started discovering for instance that The Renaissance Artists Michelangelo was not even 20 when he was executing some of his sculptures, that I felt like I was “behind” that My Purpose in life was in jeopardy. My purpose of being a great artist, of being the best artist in the world. So in terms of a fear that I can relate to this point, this memory comes up of when I discovered how young Michelangelo was when was doing some of his sculptures and that I was already older than him and not able to do what he was doing. And I went into anxiety and panic and experienced myself as inadequate, and thought that I would just have to work extra hard to make up for lost time. So Here I was very aware of my age and my skill level within art in relation to the other students as well as towards the Artists I would read about in books. So this is also like a fear of falling behind and missing out on my opportunity in this life to make the most of it. And so when finding out the age of Michelangelo when he was executing some of his works I just went into a fear of squandering my opportunity to follow through with my goal of being the best artist in the world.
I will continue with opening up the other dimensions related to this point in my next blog.

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