One thing that I have noticed is that society tend to promote the point of relationship as being an important aspect of Living and no where have I, or do I see any mention of ones relationship to self. In society its all about looking outside yourself to find your true love. My last relationship was around……it was a while ago….. Since then I have been walking alone. This has been one, if not, thee most difficult points in my life. Yet at the same time it has been interesting to simply be in such a situation and particularly seeing how much I think about and dream about and am constantly desiring a relationship. It is extensive to the point of absurd and raising questions within me about the actual BrainWashing that I have underwent to produce such constant thoughts and desires towards the point of relationship.
The other day I was writing about how I experienced a kind of sadness and disappointment literally every day and actually every moment of every day, where it was like the ‘salt’ in the soup, or that flavor that kind of underlines everything, so I have noticed this discomfort within myself that is like ALWAYS there it seems.
One aspect that I did not bring up in my recent blogs when investigating this discomfort is the point of “Relationship” and how I see this relating to my experience of disappointment.
One thing I do see within myself is the belief and idea that if I have a relationship, that I will be happy, that I will feel complete, that I will stop experiencing myself the way that I do everyday. That my experience of general discomfort and disappointment will disappear, if I get into a relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend time daily imagining, dreaming about, and desiring a relationship and thus within giving energy to this actually creating my own experience of disappointment because I do not have that, instead of stopping my participation in feeding this desire and actually getting myself to HERE, in and as Breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to daydream within my imagination about being in a relationship and in this defining this as that which will make me happy and be the key to my happiness and in so doing this actually separating myself from my own happiness and ability to actually fulfill myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with images, pictures, imaginations that come up within my mind when I am listening to pop music, and in this way fueling my desire for relationship instead of breathing and remaining here in and as my physical body and assisting and supporting myself to establish an Effective Relationship with Myself which I see is NOT yet optimum and that I am able to refine into being more effective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point that I have soooooo much room for improvement and expansion within my own relationship with/to/as myself, where I just skipped over this and rather just went into desiring for a relationship with someone else, though not establishing that which will actually stand the test of time and create real stability and fulfillment – that being Relationship with myself based on Self Honesty and Self Integrity and aligned within and as the principle lived in every moment “what is best for all”
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really push my relationship with myself but end up ignoring this and instead of spending the time really pushing and developing ME and my relationship I have with myself I will just skip over it and go straight into desire, in thinking and imagining fantasy pictures in mind of the perfect relationship and experiencing the feelings associated with such a relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to marginalize Self Honesty as a quality to Develop and Perfect within myself as the process of forming an Actual Relationship with Myself that result in real Fulfillment, Stability, and Trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to short change Self Honesty where I am kind of wishy washy with it where it is something that I may or may not do/live/be, and in this accepting and allowing myself to in essence put-off actually Implementing this point as a Pillar of the relationship I form with myself, and because I have not bothered with developing the point of Self Honesty within me, I end up with a shallow/superficial relationship with myself and thus go into desire instead of realizing that I have the guidelines to form a Self Fulfilling Relationship with myself but that its just that I have not bothered to do so in a Conclusive way where I really Assist and Support myself within Aligning myself and Standing within Principles of Integrity that Stand The Test of Time, where I see how in walking/living such Principles I would in fact enjoy myself much more and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Deny myself Life in where I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and pass off the principles that if I actually were to implement into my life would produce the Life that I have wanted to Live and Be but have not yet moved myself into Living/Creating by Walking my Process of Self Honesty and Aligning myself to and as Life within and as the Principle of What is Best For ALL within and as Equality and Oneness.
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