Where Does the Discomfort in My Life Come From – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 298

 

thMoving My Discomfort To Comfort and Naturality – How do I do this?

I started a couple days looking at the experience I noticed within me of generally experiencing myself within a negative state.

From External Searching to Self Giving – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 297
PERMAFROWN – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 296

I started exploring why this was and looking at the different relationships that I had set up within myself towards my world that would be fueling such an experience. So I am continuing within this same tract, opening up other aspects/points related to this general state of negativity that I experience.
I noticed that I have been reacting allot within myself towards particular people in my world and so the question that I was asking today was “Why The Reactions?” In that, My reactions are my Responsibility and I see that I was not really owning up to this Responsibility within myself as I was allowing myself to enter into more consistent or prolonged reactions towards particular beings in my world and had not yet really reached that point of stopping and investigating why this was or where these reactions were coming from within me.
One point I was looking at was the relationship between my reactions and my dissatisfaction with my life.
Would I react in this way if I was completely satisfied with my life and my self expression/application?
Ok so I am going to take it from here and apply self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of prolonged reactions and consistent reactions and not even noticed where for instance I would react to a point in my life but not take responsibility for that reaction where I was still accepting and allowing myself to blame external points for my experience instead of taking the point back to self and realizing that my own reactions are my own and I have created them and thus I am able to uncreate them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to “x” and in essence judge the life/life style of “x” and not see my own dissatisfaction brewing within myself towards my own life and the “lack of success” within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never getting anywhere in my life, like I am destined to a particular life of failure and mediocrity and that this is what I am programmed to do/be/life and so having this inner belief gnawing at me daily, that I am bound to mediocrity and will never have success within the system but be relegated to a degenerate life style.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel “so far from” something that would resemble an actual point of successful accumulation where each day as I look at where I am experience a kind of hopelessness and frustration that also build each day, germinating into a kind of defeat that laces everything I do every day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that my life is not within my hands, that I have no control over my life or what happens to me, and feeling frustrated at this, where it’s like my actions have no impact on my world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will never amount to anything, and basically feeling completely as an observer in my world where its like my actions do not seem to touch reality, and then there is the question but even if my actions did touch piratical physical reality – What Would I Do? and so within this question feeling “stuck to wait” to wait for something to happen to me because “surely I have not power to take my life into my own hands”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel so powerless to take my life into my own hands, simply because I have been ‘at’ this point for so long now where nothing in my reality every works, in terms of projects or jobs or something that would produce the necessary resources to provide for me a Life of Worth and Action and Engagement, A life where I would actually be something other than mediocre.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration because I do not see myself as a waste yet what I see myself capable of and what I actually do and what my life actually is is really 2 different things, and so thus the frustration.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dream in my imagination about actually transforming my total life like some Hollywood movie where the failure or the underdog finally get it together and transform his life into a shining example of a Successful Life in the System.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that System Success will “make my life better?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am “bad” for companies because I will cause the companies to lose money due to “who I am” as my programming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that working harder is how I will correct my life.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be patient, and align myself with practical system foundations such as making money and thus ensuring that I always have money coming in, and in this also pushing my threshold of money from the perspective of not simply stopping at a certain amount because that is what I am used to, and also within this pushing myself deliberately into new areas of work that I have never done before even if I think that “I am not cut out for it”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within myself, give up on sales, where its like I just kind of quit and feel now inadequate within this field, like Nothing Will Ever Open Up, also within this I can see the belief that I have of myself as being Unable to Change or Learn New Things where others who are younger and just really starting their careers are better able to learn new things, and so thus I am not an asset to Sales Organizations, also particularly because I believe that “I don’t have what it takes” in terms of being a salesman or effective with sales because this has not been life and ultimately I see “nothing” at the moment in terms of how things will go moving forwards.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a state of discomfort in relation to my life as the ACTIONS I TAKE DAILY where I feel these actions are not effective, specific, and aligned enough for me to develop the necessary skills to actually have my involvement in sales be a success, and my life within the system being a success. Success being A word I see I have quite a varied reaction towards.
I will continue with this point in my next blog

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4 thoughts on “Where Does the Discomfort in My Life Come From – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 298

  1. Pingback: DO MY PART – Self Responsibility – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 299 | An Artists Journey To Life

  2. Pingback: Sticking With It – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 300 | An Artists Journey To Life

  3. Pingback: Self Sustainable Fulfillment – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 301 | An Artists Journey To Life

  4. Pingback: Why Does it Feel Like Nothing EVER Changes – An Artists Journey To Life : Day 302 | An Artists Journey To Life

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