In my last 2 blogs I have been exploring and opening up the points that have come up and I have been facing the last week within the point of doing door to door sales. I am going to continue here opening up and specifying my investigation within these points.
One aspect I noticed today about myself within this point is the tendency I have to want a conversation to be over even before I start it and then experience a point of relief after the conversation is done. So I must correct this starting point so that I am not approaching people from the perspective of just getting the F%$k out of there as fast as possible because this obviously does not make for an effective conversation.
I can see that I was also like this before I started the door to door stuff and actually was quite a prevalent behavior I had as how I conditioned myself to approaching conversations/interactions with others where right from the get go I wanted to just bring the interactions to a close as quick as possible. I was not really HERE. I was not present and HERE, Hearing the being, rather I was holding within me the movement of “just trying to get outta there” and throughout my life I hadn’t ever corrected that starting point to approaching conversations and interactions with people where I was really standing there with them and hearing them and interacting with them but it was always like I was in a hurry from the perspective of just moving the conversation to a close as quick as possible. I never developed the ability to sustain a conversation. I had designed the point so that my conversations where quick, to the point, and done.
In a way I was quite closed to people.
One of the points within this behavior is/was the fear of not knowing what to say and the fear of not knowing what is going to happen, like how the conversation/interaction would turn out and within this unknowing and uncertainty the panic and anxiety would start to build and my heart would pound faster and my breath would get shorter and I became uncomfortable in my body.
In my next blog I will start opening up this point through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements, and realigning myself to when I am approaching someone or am engaged within a point of conversation/interaction that I am not locked into that anxiety point of just wanting to end the conversation as quick as possible but rather instead realign me to so be able to be Stable and Here and Present within communicating and interacting with people so that I can actually HEAR what they are saying and thus having an actual real interaction/communication with them.
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