Last week I started a sales job where one of the first initial processes that I am learning is “Doorknocking”. It has been somewhat intense from the perspective of all the experiences/reactions/fears/backchats coming up as I do this as this is something that is really “out of character” so to speak and so I am finding that I am daily faced with quite a bit of reactions/experiences coming up.
Thus far in my life I was more the “quiet type” and so this process of walking into sales and also now within this process of door knocking I am having to move myself out of being the “quiet type” and walking through many resistances and sticking to the point and really for the first time walking a point like this.
The point I noticed today is that I was resisting walking up to doors where there was a large truck in the driveway, particularly if this truck was like a big black truck which to me signified MALE and also like a BIG Strong Intimidating male, so basically what I have noticed is that I will have immediate resistance come up inside me depending on how the house looks or what kind of vehicles are parked in the driveway and that I did notice prominently today a resistance coming up within me whenever I perceived that there would be a Male that would answer the door.
I was much more comfortable with the point of a female answering the door as within the context that I am walking here they are much less threatening from my perspective.
From my standpoint however the point here is to get to a point of Oneness and Equality with each being that I encounter so that I am not more simply a slave to my mind and all the fears and reactions and back-chat and experiences that come up within and as my mind where I am really just reacting to an idea/perception in my mind which can be seen within the fact that I react before I even greet the person at the door where I have already formed my idea about the person/male opening the door, making reference of the past pictures/memories/experiences I have had in relation to males in terms of how I have come to react in the way I do towards my definition/perception I have created of males and now hold within me.
I have also noticed how much I am at the moment abdicating my point of Self Stability as I have been walking the doorknocking process where my experience of myself I see is still tied to the reactions I am getting from the individuals I encounter instead of me being able to be Stable within myself as I move from door to door no matter if the reaction I get at the door is positive or negative.
In terms of my approach it is again to assist and support myself to develop Self Stabity where I decide what my experience is instead of this fluctuating depending on the responses I get, because within that there is no stability and then you have the point of where the back-chat and experiences start emerging where I am telling myself “I want to quit” or “this is not going well” instead of being able to simply be Stable and simply walk the point in a practical and mathematical way so to speak.
So I have also been seeing how much I am accepting and allowing my own experience to be determined by others and so thus then also see the opportunity here to assist and support myself to develop Self Stability and Self Trust in trusting myself in deciding who I am in every given moment, and just because someone react a certain way does not me I must react also.
So overall the Sales/Door knocking point is bringing allot of points up from me to face and work with and is providing an opportunity for me to learn a new life skill which I have really neglected in my life, that being “People Skills” and developing the ability to actually be comfortable around various different people in various different situations where up to this stage in my life I have really tried to avoid people and “protect” myself because what I see is that I had not yet developed the ability to Stabilize myself as in Stabilizing and in essence DECIDING for myself how I want to experience me within a particular situation but had accepted and allowed myself to be extensively influenced by other people and their reactions and words etc.
I realize that this may be a big point, which makes sense considering the resistance that I have experienced thus far, but within this I am also seeing that I am actually learning which is cool.
I am sure there will open up many more points in relation to this process so I will continue with this as I walk and also explore the various Characters or see if I can find the Main Character that I find coming up within myself in relation to the part of me that is resisting and reacting as I move myself within this point.
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