So the point I started opening up today is my relationship with people. I have lived my life so far as more of a “keep to myself type guy” and since starting the process of moving into sales I have been looking at this part of myself which ultimately I see that I have neglected throughout my life, that being, being able to be comfortable and an effective communicator with all kinds of people as well as being effective and comfortable and natural at this weather there is one person or 2 or 3 or 10 or 25 or 100 or 1000, big, small, male, female, black, white, young old etc… Now perhaps I may be glorifying this point a bit but the point I am looking at is simply to become better at communicating and interaction with people, something that I always saw myself bad at and really did not enjoy.
So today about 8 or 9 different people came through the house where I was at and there was a few times where I was sitting there and in my head I am thinking to myself “I want to go to my room” this is what I would always do and have done within my life. I would go to my room. I loved it! It was an escape, I am safe there, I can hide there, no one can get me, I am calm, it is peaceful. I find I am not normally comfortable around allot of people, and today this point kept coming up inside me of wanting to go to my room. I experienced myself feeling heavy and disconnected with the people there. My brother has always been the social one and seems to be able to instantly connect with someone and be really natural in his expression with others where I never developed this point and so literally have to force myself through conversations.
I have always told myself “I am better one on one” which I do find easier but at this point I am simply interested in actually developing this point of actually having relationships with people, something that really has not been a point I have taken on during my life deliberately. Where I have never had a big network of friends and really just never kept in touch with people much. This point seems so much more natural with some people where it seems like “their thing” I have always felt it to be allot of pressure to “entertain people” lol because normally at parties and things like that, I would suddenly disappear from the scene and go to my room – lol.
So this is the point that I am wanting to change about myself and I see this as the opportunity to do that as I have now started moving into the point of doing sales which requires speaking to more people. This is also quite cool to because I have always wanted to be better and more comfortable within myself and stable while being around people.
I will continue opening up this point and working with this point in blogs to come.
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