The point I wanted to look at in this blog is the point of ‘giving-up’ or/and ‘failure’. One of the first times I felt like I had really failed at something was when I was 18 and I decided to go to art school. Up until that point I had pursued art as well as ice hockey but then had to make a choice of which point I was going to walk into the future. In looking at the point I could see that my chances of making a career out of ice hockey which was what I wanted to do was not good. It was a tough point to really look within myself and look at this point of ice hockey and feel within myself that “it would be unlikely that I would actually succeed in this point” In a way I felt like I had failed at this point because I had wanted to be a hockey player since I started playing hockey when I was 10. I was very driven to be a good player and would practice all the time. From my perspective my destiny was within my hands, all I had to do was walk the practical application in terms of practicing and being dedicated and focused within my pursuit of this point, which in my eyes I was. Yet at the end of the day when all was said and done, I was not good enough, I really felt in this moment like I had failed, that I was “less than” that I had tried my best but my best was not as good as someone else’s best?…So what does that make me? In this moment where I decided that I would go to art school I felt like I had failed at hockey, but I didn’t really say that to anybody and I just more presented it as a “Decision” to go to art school instead of what I really was feeling which was “it was a failure in hockey” and so I will go to art school instead. I also thought that Art would give me an opportunity develop another skill that I had to be top of the class. Because with hockey I in essence ran out of time, but with art I had the rest of my life to refine this skill and become the best artist I could be.
So here I am looking at this point of failure and seeing how I developed my relationship to failure within myself and also here I am looking at the point of giving-up which has become quite a point within myself within my world, where “giving up on myself” has become quite common place and in a way normal to the degree that I do not even recognize that I am giving up on myself.
So today I more noticed this point more clearly – This point of “giving up” and how this point has become more and more a part of me and part of my life. And so today I started looking at the question of how did I manifest this application of “giving up” to the degree with which it now exist in my life. I mean if I actually look at my daily living this point of giving up is like a freaking epidemic where I will justify doing this time and time again from the big to the small where giving up is that point where I will allow myself to be directed/influenced and in essence live for “The Mind” instead of assisting and supporting Myself in what is actually best for me and so it is a point of giving up on myself. So this is the point I want to work with here and assist and support myself to stop and change this relationship/application/manifestation of self as the point of giving up has become an integral ingredient in my life at the moment and is a point where I am continually holding myself and not allowing myself to really become effective within my life and living.
So here is the introduction into the point of Giving Up and Failure which I will continue exploring in my next blog.
Desteni I Process LITE
Desteni Has launched Desteni I Process Lite. This is a completely free, online course with buddy support. The course material has been designed from the ground up to accommodate complete beginners to the Desteni material. Start the your process of writing yourself to freedom today.
Daily EQAFE Interview Support