This blog is a continuation of the investigation into my Self Victimization Character which I have outlined in the following blog : Self Victimization – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 210
Here I am now continuing with the next Self Forgiveness as well as Self Commitment Statements on the reaction/emotion I have identified within and as my Self Victimization Character.
Here I am exploring the emotion/feeling/experience of; Lethargy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to lethargy where I have accepted and allowed this experience to direct me and have power over me where its like when I am in it I experience myself as unable to move myself out of it, and so within this forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the point of lethargy so that I can correct myself and my living in relation to this point so that I am not more controlled and influenced by it where I have in essence placed myself within a point of victimization in relation to lethargy where in my life it has become a point that is just to much for me to handle and when I am faced with lethargy I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of victimization instead of directing myself in and as Self Correction where I stop accepting and allowing this experience to direct and control me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stuck in lethargy where it is like a thick heavy fog or feeling that come over me and slow me down so that all my movements become slow and heavy where its kind of like being covered in glue where ones its difficult to move ones limbs and body as everything is heavy and difficult to move and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created this experience of lethargy within me to the point of where I have abdicated my directive principle to this point accepting and allowing lethargy to decided who I am and how I will direct myself instead of me deciding this and thus moving directing myself in every moment in a way that Develop me into an effective living human being within the principle of oneness and equality and what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define lethargy as too heavy to overcome, where this heaviness that I experience in my limbs and body when I am experiencing lethargy is just to much and thus I simply succumb to this heaviness experience and do not want to do anything as I feel like I weigh so heavy and it takes such a great effort to get myself up and moving and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move myself through that heaviness and lethargy and assist and support myself to remain stable during my day no more accepting and allowing myself to sink into a lethargic state.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with lethargy within accepting and allowing this heaviness experience to direct me even for a single moment where I would for instance be walking into the kitchen and then would accept and allow this heaviness experience of lethargy to come over me where in this I would no more be directing myself to my full capacity but am accepting and allowing the heaviness experience of lethargy to direct and influence me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have made lethargy a part of my Victimization Character where I will end up in “states” of moving very lethargically instead of maintaining the same pace/movement in every moment as I walk here and breathe moving myself in breath in and as the physical and exploring what it means to Live and Move in breath in and as the physical instead of accepting and allowing myself to move within the polarities of energy where sometimes I am up and sometimes I am down, so to instead assist and support myself to explore and apply myself within moving and directing myself within a Constant and Consistent pace as a physical movement that is natural and sustainable and constant, as constant as the heart beating with reliability and trustworthiness throughout the day and night and not ever getting depressed or lethargic within its function/expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to train myself to live in a way where I would use energy as my guideline to living where within my life I would accept and allow myself to believe that if I expend allot of energy than this automatically mean that afterwards I will be really low, and so within my life moved myself in this kind of high energy then low energy then high energy then low energy way/method, instead of ever considering the point of consistency and constancy and breathing as a guideline to develop a more stable consistent expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to actually enjoy the experience of lethargy where I can really just exist like a vegetable where I am just laid out on my bed or sunk down on the couch and not moving a muscle where its like I just don’t want to do anything or get up or move or anything, I just want to sit and do nothing where its kind of like a complete collapse of sorts where I just have no energy to get up and continue moving myself in my world, where this experience can literally come up at any time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my experience of lethargy is to much for me to actually transcend
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “draw a line” within myself where when I am faced with lethargy or tiredness I will automatically just give in and indulge in the lethargic and tiredness experience not wanting to step out of that experience where its like I just sink down into myself and can just let go and I do not have to do anything, and I don’t want to step out of that experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate that moment where I will be able to just crawl into my bed, under the covers and sink into myself where I don’t have to move and for a moment and free from my responsibilities where I am actually at times during my day, just waiting for that moment because of finding my Living waking life so difficult and requiring so much effort that I can’t wait for and do not want to get out of moments or experiences of tiredness or lethargy where I don’t have to move myself at all, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize lethargy and/or tiredness as an escape where I just want to stay in such experiences and do not want to get myself up and continue directing myself within my Responsibilities as I sometimes experience this walking of my responsibilities as unbearable.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to move through lethargy where when and as I see myself starting to go into the point/experience of lethargy I stop myself and assist and support myself to remain HERE within and as breath and moving/directing myself in Self Movement not accepting and allowing myself to actually accept the limitation of lethargy or tiredness to direct me.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to explore the relationship between the food I eat and my experience of lethargy and tiredness as I can see that my eating habits have also played a role within my life in terms of how I experience myself where for instance I will not have any consistency in my eating patterns and thus within this not be supporting myself to be here walking/living in a consistent way and so I commit myself to explore the point of what I eat and how this affect my experience of myself and the relationship this has to my experience of lethargy and tiredness, particularly looking at the point of sugar in my diet as well as simply the erratic eating patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within my life where I don’t normally have anything stable or regular and thus it would make sense that this would affect the general stability, and balance of my body and experience.
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