In this blog I am continuing with the self forgiveness and self commitment statements on the emotion/reaction dimension of my Self Victimization Character.
The reaction I am looking at today is : Depression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the experience of depression where I would essentially abdicate my power to depression where I had accepted and allowed depression to be more than me from the perspective of giving it power over me to direct and influence me where if I was depressed I could not do anything or be effective because of the experience of depression that I had accepted and allowed myself to define as “too much”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the words “I am depressed” within the context of “why I am unable to move or direct myself” Where I would speak these words “I am depressed” in moments where I faced a point where I could have actually stood up and directed myself to move myself out of my depression but instead elected to remain within my depression where I would simply speak the words “I am depressed” as the statement affirming my position of remaining within and as depression.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to approach depression from the starting point of equality where I instead too the position that I am powerless to do anything about it instead of approaching from the starting point of equality from the perspective of considering that I have in fact created this experience within me and so can uncreate and thus in this taking absolute and total responsibility for my experience of depression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define depression as “more powerful than me” where even though I was understanding that I have created this experience within me, I was still framing it within the context of “but it will take a while for me to really get it” and within this still victimizing myself within and in relation to the point of depression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use depression as a hiding place where it is like this hiding place is protected because apparently I am powerless within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself in relation to depression so that every time I would attempt to stand up from my depression I would fall back into it through the different various ways that I victimized myself in relation to depression, one such point for instance being how I was “framing” my understanding/realizations about depression within the context of “but it will take a while still for me to really get it” and thus within this farming of my understanding of depression was/am actually still accepting and allowing myself to Victimize myself and Limit myself within my approach to taking responsibility for myself in relation to this point in actually effectively stopping this experience within and as me and stopping myself from accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my power to an experience that I have allowed have more power than me and simply “take over” where I essentially become the slave to my reactions and emotions and thus really have no directive principle and stability within my living as thus as per my definition this will depend on the types of reactions or experiences come up as for instance depression as I had accepted and allowed myself to still victimize myself in relation to depression instead of developing an effective support so to STOP myself from going into depression and thus take back my power so to speak.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to develop an actual practically effective application of self support using the tools I have available to me such as breathing, writing, self forgiveness and to thus assist and support myself to practically stabilize myself HERE and not being controlled/directed/influenced by my emotions.
When and as I see myself going into the point of depression or the point/reaction/experience/emotion of depression come up within me, I stop and I breathe, I realize that I haven’t yet actually really utilized breath and breathing as a practical tool to assist and support myself to stabilize myself HERE in and as my physical body and my physical reality so to not be influenced by the point of depression but would more just go into it but would not really push myself to remain HERE and actually STOP the pattern of going into my depression. Thus I commit myself to stop victimizing myself within the point of depression but actually support myself utilizing breathe to simply not participate and instead remain here in and as the physical and moving/directing myself within my practical responsibilities.
I will continue with my self forgiveness and self commitment exploration of depression in my next blog.
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