This is a continuation of my previous blog where I started with opening up the point of anger and am now continuing here with the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment statements as well as proceeding with the next reaction as laid out in the emotion/reaction dimension of my initial blog on myself victimization character in day 210
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “make things worse” through by amplifying my already existing experience by focusing on my experience and making it bigger and doing this particularly within the context of “making things worse” where for instance I will instead of stopping inner experiences/emotions/reactions/ such as anger, I will deliberately do that which is the exact opposite of what would in common sense actually support me in such a situation which would be to stop participating in my mind as the particular emotion experience which only make the experience/energy/emotions/reactions more and more and more engulfing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop anger when it is triggered or when I react in a moment with anger, where instead of simply remaining here and breathing I will go into the anger and make it more instead of stopping and taking responsibility for myself and actually supporting me within the context of what is best for all and what is best for life.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to when I see/notice myself reacting in the emotion of anger to breathe and assist and support myself to bring myself back here to the physical so that I am not participating with the reaction and in this way assisting and supporting myself to stabilize myself here in and as my physical body effectively instead of participating/engaging within the mind.
Next Reaction : Anxiousness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the point of anxiousness within the context of Victimization where anxiousness become a point of me simply distracting myself from one thing to the next thing to the next thing, doing this deliberately as a point of keeping myself distracted and avoiding giving direction to that which requires my direction.
I see that this application of anxiousness actually has a similar “tone” to it as the “tone” of how I participated with the frustration and anger points that I looked at in my previous blogs in relation to self victimization. What I mean is that I see that I actually know exactly what I am doing in where I know that to simply skip around from one point to the next never really getting down to doing my practical responsibilities, and thus creating a kind of anxiousness within me as I follow my mind jumping around from one frivolous thing to the next…that in doing this, I am in fact “making things worse” as it is obvious that stopping, breathing, bringing myself back here to the moment, and definitively stopping participating in just skipping around to various things but not really doing anything, that stopping is the actual Solution and that I see this in the moment but refuse to do what is in fact best for me so simply deliberately continue avoiding the issue so to speak and thus creating this anxiousness experience.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating within this experience/reaction of anxiousness within the context of Self Victimization where the point of Self Victimization comes in because I am in fact utilizing this particular point of anxiousness to dis-empower myself to keep myself in a state of dis-empowerment by deliberately doing that which I see is obviously not best for me but I keep doing it deliberately as if it is apparently out of my control and I am powerless and can do nothing about it when I am actually seeing exactly what I am doing and seeing that it is in fact NOT best for me but really I just keep doing it because that is the pattern that I have developed within my life of how I “dealt with my issues” where instead of taking Self Responsibility for myself I would allow myself to simply continue on with abusing me through “making things worse” from my frustration to my anger to my anxiousness created from jumping around to various tasks not really doing anything important, where I just made things worse as an attempt to lash out and get back at others around which is a form of Spite, and revenge where I was attempting to manipulate others through essentially abusing myself because I was not getting what I wanted or things were not how I wanted, and so I commit myself to realize that the world does not revolve around me and thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to look at what is in fact best for me in terms of how I can support me within my process of self forgiveness, self change, self living, where I commit myself to stop manipulating others through by abusing myself or making my own experience worse with the intention of “getting back at another” and to thus simply stop this game and just start supporting myself effectively
I see that Self Victimization is always in relation to something or someone else where I am putting on a show as a point of attempting to manipulate others which is actually a form of blaming something or someone else for my own experience or what I am the way I am or who I am, instead of taking absolute Self Responsibility for myself and developing SELF Will, SELF Stability, SELF Resolve, SELF Support, and stop looking to others to help me or support me or pick me up when I fall, particularly within the context of where I am not even doing what is within my hands/grasp/ability to do in the first place anyways, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to take responsibility for what is within my grasp/hands/power to do and thus assisting myself to actually do this and Live/Express me to my utmost ability in every moment.
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