With this blog I am moving into now the emotion/reaction dimension of my Victimization Character starting with the emotion/reaction of frustration.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within frustration where in allowing this frustration to get out of hand from the perspective of just building it up more and more within myself through participating within my back-chat and just building this experience of frustration up within me instead of stopping and stabilizing myself here within and as my physical body where within breath I assist and support myself to bring my focus back here to my physical instead of going into the mind and participating with the emotion/reaction of frustration.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated by my frustration where I will become even more frustrated to my initial frustration and then just build it from there instead of when seeing/realizing that I am reacting in frustration to recognize that a way I build my inner experience of frustration by allowing myself to react to my initial reaction instead of immediately stopping and not accepting and allowing myself to react to my initial reaction of frustration.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get so angry within myself when I experience frustration and so yes, this is the point again of reacting to a reaction, where I will do this instead of really investigating what it is that is actually trigging my frustration and then within identifying this to investigate these triggers within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as a way to support myself to stop going into a Character/personality through by reacting to my reactions.
So when I look at the reactions of ‘frustration’, I see that this reaction comes up in my world in relation to various different points. Now looking at this in relation to the point of Self Victimization I would say that the point of Victimizing myself would more be the point of not looking at and exploring my reactions. When I am not supporting myself to investigate my reactions/mind possessions I become frustrated. So from a certain perspective frustration is more a consequence of Self Victimization. I would say a more primary reaction of and as my Self Victimization Character/Personality is Hopelessness and Helplessness where I feel powerless when I am faced with particular reactions where instead of actually stopping my reactions or not escalating them further, I will “not even bother” which is a characteristic of the point of Self Victimization where I simply will not even bother trying to stop my reactions but just more go into them. I am seeing here also a point of Spite and Deliberate moving myself into my reactions more and more, like a kind of anger mixed with spite where I will react to a point, and then just immediately go into a kind of DESPAIR like throwing my arms in the air and saying “here we go again” where I more ‘react’ this way every time and automatically. Self Pity is also a emotion/reaction I am seeing within my Self Victimization Character where I see that this Character is activated when I face a moment where I would react to a point and when this occur it is like I have 2 options, I can continue the reaction or I can stop, and so this is where I see the point of my Self Victimization Character stepping in to continue further participating in the reaction instead of stopping and stabilizing myself here in and as the physical/ my physical body. Self Pity is like a kind of Sadness. It is a Sadness that I accept and allow myself to participate in and dwell within and sink into within the point of Self Victimization instead of taking and breathe and Directing and moving myself practically and so the point of Self Victimization is like a kind of sadness and depression where I will bring up all these points that is apparently not going right about my world where I will continue to cycle around and around within all these points/aspects/parts of my world and myself that is apparently going wrong or not working and in this will fuel this experience of sadness/self pity/ depression through by deliberately bringing up all these apparent failures of my life. I also see that what I will do is I will think the thought that because nothing is going right that I do not have to do my responsibilities because I only do my responsibilities when things are going well but if “everything is going bad” then “I don’t have to do my responsibilities” and so within these statements I continue accepting and allowing myself to exist within this kind of depression and lethargy. It is definitely like a heaviness and lowness, like a deadness that I move in within and as this point of Self Victimization. So in terms of the point of frustration that I initially started with, I’d say that frustration is like icing on the cake. Just one more emotion to throw into the mix to just fuel the fire in terms of “why things are going so shit” instead of stopping myself from accepting and allowing myself to participate in this low, heavy, lethargy and actually breathing and standing up and Directing Myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize the reaction/experience of frustration when and as I am participating with my Victimization Character to fuel and lock this Character into place even more where I will deliberately generate this experience of frustration to just strengthen my position of self victimization where this point of frustration is coming up in the first place because I am not effectively moving myself but instead stopping my reactions and instead bringing myself back HERE to and as my physical body in and as breathe and actually standing up and Directing myself within that which I require to do, I will just “add another log on the fire” where I will just take this frustration and add it into the mix further solidifying my position within and as the point of self victimization.
I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to stop “adding fuel to the fire” within and as the point of Self Victimization where I will utilize the emotion/reaction of frustration to further enhance my Self Victimized state instead of realizing that the frustration that is coming up within me is a result of my direct living application and is indicating to me that I am not effectively moving myself and am so becoming frustrated with myself.
I commit myself to when and as I see the point of frustration coming up, to instead of reacting further to breathe and allow myself to firstly breathe and stabilize myself within my physical body, ensuring firstly that I am not reacting and then to from here look at the reaction point in terms of what triggered the point of frustration so that I can actually assist and support myself to de-construct my mind so as to not simply continue living in a reaction state in relation to my mind but actually support me to a point of Effective Self Direction here in and as the physical. Also here I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting in frustration to explore/look at the point of Self Victimization so to assess if my frustration is coming from a prolonged application of inactivity which is the result of accepting and allowing myself to Victimize myself where I really hardly move myself at all in my reality, and so to within this more clearly understand the relationship that I have established between self victimization and the reaction of frustration so to sever the bond so to speak and thus assist and support myself to deconstruct the point/character of self victimization.
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