This blog is a continuation of the investigation into my Self Victimization Character which I have outlined in the following blog : Self Victimization – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 210
Right off the bat I see that this back-chat statement comes up within me when ever I find myself in an “emotional state” that “I am unable to handle” so meaning I will speak the statement “I am to anxious” I relation to being able to apply myself effectively and actually support myself within the context of what is best for all. So what I must assist and support myself with here is actually Stabilizing myself within my “emotional turmoils” instead of resorting to participating/validating/following back-chat statements that “let me off the hook” in actually doing what is best for me and supporting me to stabilize myself through breathing and not going into my emotional experience.
Its interesting how actually doing what is best for me and caring and supporting myself in every moment is “difficult”. I mean shouldn’t it be natural? The way I have worded myself above is actually implying that “I don’t want to support me” and so will “let myself off the hook”…to my relief and now can just indulge in the mind and essentially self abuse.
In regards to the statement “I am to anxious” I even noticed this statement coming up within me today as I experienced moments of anxiety in relation to my Living where I reach moments during my day where its like I will have a more intense or heightened anxiety experience in relation to applying myself/Living. So this statement yes is in relation to those particular moments where my experience of emotional turmoil, or anxiety is more intense and encompassing than normal, where in the face of this, I just want to “give in” at the point, and give in to the experience and be directed by the experience instead of simply breathing and standing within My Self Application that I have practically laid out/prioritized for myself to support myself effectively within my Life/Process of Self Change.
I was noticing today how where I will have moments where I start to go into my mind and thinking a bit more and it will be like immediate emotional turmoil building, and then I will stop and bring myself back here and realize how unstable the mind is, and also seeing how Me specifically have really created a mind very quickly is able to produce emotional distress. Then I get all distraught and its like “OMG my world is falling apart” where just seconds earlier I was fine, and stable here engaged in what I was doing. I am noticing this more at the moment because I have been spending allot of time alone recently and so seeing these points within my “alone time” where I will become distraught and emotionally tumultuous and its like I will go in and out of this, so also seeing here the opportunity for me to Correct Myself within my “alone time” expression so that it is in fact Supportive and I can be Stable within myself in each moment as I walk throughout my day instead of “falling” into the pits of the mind and the emotionally distraught environment there in. So I will keep an eye out for this. For this point of where I have seen/realized that will in moments “Dip” into the mind and then suddenly become more emotionally unstable and distraught where just moments previous I was stable, and thus supporting me to stop accepting and allowing myself to enter these doorways of distress, but rather remain here, stable, breathing and assisting and supporting me to Stabilize myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how unstable my mind actually is where in literally seconds I can become an emotional wreck.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how the back-chat statement “I am to anxious” is related to the emotional state I have created through participating in the emotionally unstable environment of and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to in moments where I finding myself emotionally unstable, or in turmoil or experiencing anxiety or any other overwhelming mind experience to STOP and breathe and assist and support myself to bring myself back here to the physical through breathing where I actually stop in that moment, and stop what I am doing and really breathe and assist and support myself to stabilize myself and no more accept and allow myself to continue existing in emotional distress that I continually feed through and as speaking the back-chat statement “I am to anxious”.
I see in such moments that to give into the mind and go deeper into the emotional experience of and as the mind is NOT a solution but rather a practical correction here is to assist and support myself to Remain in the physical through assisting and supporting myself to focus on my breathing and remaining Here and Stable. Then also to further actually look at/explore what points within me are causing/leading to such emotionally unstable experiences within me, and thus to write these points out in detail to in fact sort them out within me so that I am no more accepting and allowing this such “Emotionally Unstable Environment” within and as me as who I have created myself to be as the mind, but am assisting and supporting myself to correct all parts of the environment that is me
Desteni I Process LITE
Desteni Has launched Desteni I Process Lite. This is a completely free, online course with buddy support. The course material has been designed from the ground up to accommodate complete beginners to the Desteni material. Start the your process of writing yourself to freedom today.
Daily EQAFE Interview Support