Making It Bigger in My Mind – Victimization Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 214
Victimization Character (Thought Dimension) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 213
Victimization – Branding Fear as Real : An Artists Journey To Life – Day 212
Fear Dimension of Victimization Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 211
Self Victimization – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 210
In this blog I am continuing on with looking at the point of victimization and how I have created this point/aspect/personality within myself of where and how I victimize myself in relation to my world.
A point that was noticing today about this point is how I have within this point defined myself as inferior than myself essentially. Because the point of victimization is a point of making a decision within myself that the experiences that I have are more than me. that the “points” as the various aspects of my world are more than me and that I am subject to those points/experiences within myself in relation to those points. Like for instance with chewing my finger nails – I have defined this experience as more than me and defined “me” as unable to do anything about, that I am subject to it, subject to the experience/urge to want to chew my finger nails, that I am incapable of stopping it. And taking another aspect like Relationship. I have defined myself as “incapable” of ‘handling’ my experience within myself in relation to the point of relationship and thus within this justify participating with certain thoughts feelings and emotions in relation to this because “I am unable to do anything about it” Or when I am tired, or in relation to my Art. Overall what I was looking at today is how my victimization character is actually a part of all the other points/aspects of my life in terms of how I have positioned myself in relation to myself and in relation to my world. Where I have in a way approached myself, approached my capability within myself, approached my world and who I am in this life from the starting point of Self Victimization, where within each point this victimization character come up and assert itself, it’s beliefs, its acceptances and allowances within facing each and every part/aspect of my life/world from relationships to job/career etc, and thus as influenced who I am today in my life and what I have become.
Another clarification on this point. What I see is that Victimization is that point I reach where I will start to deliberately victimize myself where it becomes a point of manipulation and is not for instance a point of seeing myself as unworthy, but rather more of a point where I would be resisting a point and that from a certain perspective I see myself as capable within the point, yet I would go into victimization as a way to “avoid doing it” so victimization is more of a point of “feeling sorry for myself” or “self pity” a point of disempowering myself without in fact having even tried. The it becomes almost like an exaggeration that I go into, like an “act” I put on as the Victimization Character to avoid directing myself within a particular point. I also so the point where this would reach a point of spite where I would deliberately victimize myself a point of trying to manipulate others, and furthermore it becomes a point of self spite where the victimization is more accentuated and/or prolonged where then I will deliberately sabotage myself where I would take this point to extremes where I really disempower myself within my world where then such points as “depression” emerge as an extension of self victimization.
So I will continue now with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements looking at the Imagination Dimension of how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a Victimization Character/Personality throughout my life.
– I will start to look for and bring up all the “bad” things that are going on in my world/life where I will take those points and start to “bring them to the fore” so to speak. So I thought this was quite an interesting mechanism of this character where I will in a way start “emphasising” all the apparent/perceived “problems” in my life where “this is not working” and “I don’t have a relationship” and “I don’t have this” and “I don’t have that” etc, ect…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself within my life through by going into my mind/imagination and deliberately bringing up “all the bad things” about my life so as to more accentuate my “position” as Victim to myself and my world and why “it is so hard” and why “I am uncapable” and why “I can’t” where in I utilize my imagination dimension to build up a point of victimization where I am now taking all the various aspects of my life and picking out the “bad points” or anything that can be utilized to victimize myself within my reality, all so that I do not have to face myself and actually walk in self responsibility and self honesty and face myself and my world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand why exactly I would utilize my victimization character where what I am seeing here is that I utilize/bring up/ step into my victim character when ever there is a point that I do not want to FACE but in fact want to avoid at which time I will activate my victim character to keep me from having to face that point of event within my world where I would go to the extremes within this of literally acting with certain body language which I will get to in the physical dimension of this character as a way to attempt to manipulate others in my world all in an attempt to avoid facing a point that I within myself have decided that I do not want to Face and Direct and so also here I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to look at my world and the points that I am “avoiding” from the starting point of Aligning myself to Self Responsibility where I no more accept and allow myself to go into “avoidance” of any point within my world but to assist and support myself to move/direct ALL points within my life and within myself, something that I have not done and have attempted to avoid through by the creation/ and living out of my Victimization Character. The Character that I bring up in moments within my life to attempt to HIDE from having to face the reality truth of myself and my world and what I have created .
I see/realize/understand that when I start going into my imagination and pin-pointing all the “bad things” in my life that in such moments I am in fact trying to cover up one singular point/aspect of my life that I do not want to face and am trying to avoid meaning that this application of pin-pointing and bringing out “all the bad things” is not necessarily related to “ALL” those things but is more a “front” and a “Cover” that I create as a point of victimization where in I am “making everything seem so hard and so difficult” through picking out and emphasising ALL the “bad” or “negative” points within my life where by doing this I am victimizing myself instead of assisting and supporting myself to Take Responsibility for ALL aspects of my life, and so thus, I commit myself to when and as I see myself to starting to pin-point and pick out all the bad/negative things in my life where I am just kind of going on an inner rampage of sorts, just basically building up a perception of me and my life as being “so horrible” where “everything is wrong” I stop and I breath and I stop participating within this application. I also see that normally when this occur that I am already reached quite a possessed state of self victimization where it is no longer just about one thing or one point that I am having difficulty with but I have now extended this into ALL aspects of my life which is showing a more extensive degree of possession and so thus here I see that what would be practical is to in fact walk a corrective application of “prevention is the best cure” where in such moments, yes, I simply stop myself from doing as I see/realize/understand exactly what I am doing, and so thus I stop and I breath. I let go of the past, meaning what ever perceptions and judgements I have about my world and myself at that point, and I allow myself to get myself to a “fresh slate” so then I can re-assess my walking/standing within my world because what this is showing me is that there is a point or points within my world that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not want to do” and thus have instead of directing them activated my victimization character. And so I give myself shake figuratively speaking and realize I must really re-assess my standing/walking so to ensure that when I am walking my process that I am assisting and supporting myself to Direct ALL the necessary points within my world and so to get back to the point about “prevention is the best cure” I commit myself to continue to assist and support myself to FACE My Responsibilities and ensuring that I am in fact walking/living what is best for all, so that within assisting and supporting myself to face my responsibilities and move myself immediately within this where I make my Responsibilities the foundation of my living in terms of ensuring that this is Always a point that I am directing/moving each day to ensure that I do not postpone or procrastination or put off facing the points that must be face where within putting such points off I will then start to bring up my “Victimization Character” as an excuse and justification for “why I am apparently not able” to face such a point when in fact it is more based on the point of me just not wanting to do it. And so I commit myself to assist and support myself with walking/living my responsibilities daily so as to prevent the point of activating and walking deeper and deeper into my Victimization Character where when I reach a certain point I will start pin-pointing all the various aspects and points about my life that is apparently wrong – all in an attempt to hide from facing myself and/or facing a particular point within my world and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself with this prevention is the best cure approach.
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