The point I am going to explore in this blog is ‘Victimization’.
From my perspective the point of self victimization is where one will/is essentially arguing for ones own limitations. This point came up today during a chat I was having and so am going to explore this point within the context of my life and how I have lived this point of (self) victimization within my life.
The context that this point of victimization came up in today had to do with when for instance I am not wanting to face my responsibilities, where I will then go into a point of self victimization where I will create the illusion that “I can’t” or that “I am not able” instead of realizing that this idea that I am creating that “I am not able” is in fact self created within the process of acting out my Victimization Character/personality.
What I see occurs within this self victimization is that I am in fact disempowering and diminishing myself. I can see how many experiences that I am now living daily are a result of how I have victimized myself in the face of my responsibilities and thus disempowered instead of empowered and directed myself, thus this results in experiences of anger, frustration, irritation, and self hatred where I have found a kind of Loathing myself as stepped forth as a kind of presence in my daily life.
So I am going to open this point up some more to assist and support myself to stop victimizing myself in the face of my responsibilities and thus rather direct myself and face myself within my responsibilities and assist and support myself to actually become effective and active within my world, instead of slowly but surely diminishing myself bit by bit, until I become a shadow of what I am know I am capable of living.
Victimization Character Dimensions
Fear of Having No time for Me/Myself
Fear of having no freedom
Fear of Change
Fear of lose of comfort
See myself locked into some job where I am working in some labour job that is really hard that I do not like and that I am trapped in that job
See a picture in my mind of me being really busy and never stopping and zooming around and never having any time to rest
I find that what happens in my imagination in relation to this point is I start thinking about all the things that I have to do and I start to get anxious.
I start imagining my future and comparing myself to others that are in process and basically I start to see myself as a failure and amounting to nothing in my world
(Building Up My Justification/ Pre Victimization Character)
Fuck why can’t I just do what I want
Man I have so much to do
I will never have any time for myself
I am a slave
These responsibilities are taking time away from what is really important
Why the fuck do I have to do this it is such a waste of time
All this stuff is stressing me out
When can I just relax
I hate this
(Entering Victim Mode/Character)
I can’t do it
I can’t handle all this stuff
I am too tired
It is just so hard/difficult
I am to anxious
I am useless
I am such a failure
You are a waste
You will never amount to anything
Your life will be a failure
Physical tension throughout my body where my whole body stiffen and become tense.
Laying down more, like body starts to slouch and move slower and more lethargic
The consequence of this is that I end up not developing an effective daily application of Self Direction. What I have found is that I have in fact diminished myself and became less and less directive within my life and instead of getting up and facing/directing myself in every moment, I am more sleeping in for instance and accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind much more extensively.
In my next blog I will continue with applying Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements.
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