This Blog is a Continuation of the following blogs
Patience and Persistence – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 208
How I Judge My Art (BackChat Dimension) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 207
Jumping To Conclusions Before You have Even Begun – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 206
Stop Listening To The Voices In Your Head – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 205
Losing Faith in Myself Personality – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 203
Fear of Missing Out on Living To My Potential – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 202
Judging My Expression – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 201
I am continuing on today with applying self forgiveness and self corrective application on my back-chat dimension that I have been looking at in relation to “losing faith in myself” in relation to my art.
What if I don’t get better
What if I have reached my peak already
What if I am not smart/intelligent enough like not enough brain power.
What if there is something physically wrong with my eye sight.
This is never going to work/I will never get it
These paintings are horrible
Will I ever get better?
I don’t want anybody to see these paintings – they are so bad
My paintings are so amateurish
I can’t do this
I will never improve
I have noticed that the point of art within myself/my life has been/is connected to closely to “everything else” that I am walking, where for instance if I am not walking other points effectively that this point of my application in art also start to wane and thus eventually falling. This is simply an observation about how I have set the parameters and conditions within myself as my application/definition of Art within myself/life.
Ok so now continuing with the back-chat dimension.
“These paintings are horrible”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at a piece of art that I have done and speak the back-chat statement “this is horrible” or within the context of the most recent paintings I have done, speak the back-chat statement “these paintings are horrible”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my art/paintings within a positive and negative context where then this becomes a motivator or de-motivator in relation to my application, thus making my application dependent on energy as the positive or negative judgements that I have created within myself where in doing this I don’t end up being consistent and equally effective in every breath, because I I have/am basing my application based on “how I am feeling” instead of basing my application on a practical guideline set up using common sense and looking at what would be an effective application of this point to walk to in fact move this point into an effective support point within my world, where I end up sabotaging this practical application due to accepting and allowing myself to be either moved/influenced through/by energy as positive judgements that “motivate” me and negative judgements that “de-motivate” me each only lasting in direct proportion to the energy where for instance the positive judgement eventually wear out and also can turn into a negative where then suddenly my motivation is gone where it is like sucked out of me in a single moment which is what happens when basing my application on energy instead of breath, and a practical assessment of what would make a practically effective application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build fictions around the paintings I make where I start to build an imaginary reality in relation to a painting that I will have made where I then like insert myself into that fiction where for instance when I make a painting that see as successful I will start to go into my imagination dimension and creating this alternate reality where for instance I see myself selling the painting, and then in an instant when looking at the painting in a different light this alternate reality will disappear as I will now see it from a different perspective and also may “no longer like it” where suddenly my positive judgement experience turn into a negative judgement experience where such back-chat as “these paintings are horrible” will come up as part of the back-chat of my negative judgement dimension in relation to the art, where I have back-chat that is related to both the positive and negative dimensions of my mind judgement of my art, where this back-chat is how I build up and create each side of the coin as either the positive or negative judgement of the work.
And thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to judging my art as either positive or negative where I am either flying high or suddenly in a moment lose complete faith in myself as the positive switch to a negative and then the pre-programmed back-chat come up within me such as “these paintings are horrible” that now is designed to support and affirm my negative judgement, creating an entire negative experience within me that is the experience of “losing faith in myself” , instead of me sticking to breath as I walk my application with art, and not getting caught up in the positive and negative value judgements that I have created within myself in relation to my art, and so thus assist and support myself to align this aspect of my life to what is best for all.
When and as I see myself speaking negative back-chat inside myself such as the back-chat statement “these paintings are horrible” to immediately stop, as I see/realize/understand that this back-chat is not in fact based on an application/aligning of my Art to what is best for all, but is still related and linked to the mind as the Character(s) I have created within and as my mind in relation to my Art, that are still attempting to assert themselves as who I am within my life, and so thus. I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice breathing and consistency within my art application as the process of walking this process PRACTICALLY in a way that will actually become a support within the context of my life and process of me assisting and supporting myself within the context of what is best for all, and so thus also I see here that to accept and allow myself to be influenced and motivated by my positive and negative judgements about my art is not in fact best for all, but rather to Align myself to walking Stability and Consistency within my process Art and in this can assist and support myself to Align and Walk this point within the context of what is actually best for all, and not simply walking this point for energy purposes, and so I commit myself to identify such moments when I see/realize/understand that I am accepting and allowing myself to “be under the control of energy” within the context of my Art/Making art and thus assist and support myself to step out of the point of participating with energy in relation to my art, in this assisting and supporting myself to Re-Align my Art expression as something that is no more here just to fuel my energetic experience and thus ego, but that IS in fact an expression of What is Best for ALL, and so to realize that when ever I am looking at my art and going into an either positive or negative experience that this is showing me that I am not/have not in fact in that moment, Aligned my Art Expression to what is best for all, and thus in such moments, I commit myself to breath and Assess My application in that moment and looking at why and how is it that I have accepted and allowed myself to be participating in and as ENERGY in that moment in relation to my ART, and thus to explore, and find SOLUTIONS for me to ALIGN my ART EXPRESSION to that which is best for all, and so thus step by step, point by point, change/align my art expression to what is best for all, where I no more accept and allow myself to walk/do art in the way that is to serve my own self interest.
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