This is a continuation from the following blogs
Stop Listening To The Voices In Your Head – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 205
Losing Faith in Myself Personality – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 203
Fear of Missing Out on Living To My Potential – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 202
Judging My Expression – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 201
Today I am continuing with looking at this point of “losing faith in myself” in relation to my art. Initially I noticed this experience of “losing faith in myself” coming up directly in relation to my art itself where I would judge what I was doing as I was working on it or afterwards where I simply just started to judge what it was I was doing and then have this judgement process/experience become more ‘substantial’ and then this influencing me within what I was doing where I would just want to stop.
Today I am continuing with looking at the “back-chat” dimension where I will investigate some of the specific back-chat statements that would come up within myself that I would participate in and speak within myself that would facilitate this entire judgement process and then eventually the experience of “losing faith in myself”
“What if I don’t get better”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement within myself “what if I don’t get better” in relation to my art, instead of being patient with me and realizing that I simply must breathe and walk the necessary practical application that is required to develop a particular skill. And so thus here within myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “jump to conclusions” that is not ALIGNED with practical real life, but is a conclusion aligned to the mind which is in essence ‘ignorant’ of actual practical reality and so will go to extremes and also distort the actual “truth if the situation” , and thus becomes a form of self abuse where I will accept and allow myself to ‘trust’ the mind or ‘utilize’ the mind to navigate my reality not considering how the mind always creates a kind if inner drama by “blowing things out of proportion” or just simply not taking into consideration the practical implications of something.
I commit myself to when and as I see the back-chat statement come up within myself “what if I don’t get better” to simply STOP, as there is already no ground for such a statement as I have already shown/proven to myself in my reality that with practice I will/do improve and so I can then thus KNOW that when ever this such statement come up, that it is purely the mind and thus simply STOP and Delete such a back-chat statement.
And so within this also I commit myself to Align myself to and stick to the Physical when approaching any point or task, where in and as the physical it is about LIVING a point practically and instead of thinking, and/or worrying or anticipating how something will go, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to “stick to the physical” by Aligning myself to practical physical living and movement in and as breath as the way to test a point to see if it will work or not, instead of trying to determine this within the mind without LIVING The point within the necessary practical application to the degree where one is able to get enough practical feedback to determine the effectiveness of a point.
What if I have reached my peak already
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support irrational claims made by/through my back-chat such as “what if I have reached my peak already” (in relation to art) and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how much I have separated myself from actual physical reality to the degree where such a claim would be able to have any ground what so ever, indicating how much I am actually still living/existing in my mind instead of the practical physical reality where such a statement as “what If I have reached my peak all ready would simply disintegrate, having no ground what so ever due to the obvious common sense that this is not the case.
I commit myself to “leave the mind out of it” and do at least 200 paintings in a consistent manner as a suitable amount of application to then be able to make a practical assessment of the effectiveness of my application within this endeavour and so also within this I commit myself to stick to my commitment of walking for starters 200 paintings as the first phase of walking the point of ART in a Realistic manner as anything less than this is accepting and allowing less than what I am capable of and thus is implying a form of self sabotage because why would I not walk to my utmost ability, that imply a form of self sabotage, of not applying myself within a point in a way that I am able.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to further solidify my commitment to ART, which is a commitment to myself to REALLY TEST this point out to check the practical viability of it, which I see that in doing 200 paintings as a starting point will be enough to practically assess the point and determine the viability if it, and that anything less than this will be in fact self sabotage from the perspective of not in fact applying myself in a way that I am able to really see If I am able, because how am I able to in fact test my ability within something if I do not give it my all, but cut myself short, thus then not in the end really knowing for sure what I could have done, or what I was capable of due to having cut myself short, and so here I commit myself to really DIRECT and APPLY myself within the point of ART in a Daily Consistent manner, within this also assisting and supporting myself to apply self writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application support me within moving/directing myself within this point to my utmost potential. Something that I have not really done much or if ever in my life – Living and applying me to my utmost potential within a point/task, moving and willing myself through resistances and emotional experiences that come up that I would normally accept and allow to influence me within my DECISION and my WALKING of a particular point that I have assessed is a practical point to explore in my world as a point of self support within the context of the world system/economic system currently in place, and also here within the context of the resources I have available to me as well as my skill-set, strengths and weakness all of which are practical points to consider
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