Losing Faith in Myself Personality – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 203


Painting Outsidethis blog is a continuation of the following blogs

Fear of Missing Out on Living To My Potential – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 202
Judging My Expression – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 201

Today I am going to continue on with having a look at the thought dimension in relation to the point where I will “lose faith” in myself in relation to when for instance a painting does not turn out where I will go into quite a reaction/mind experience in relation to this point instead of remaining stable and here standing within the realization that I have really only just begun developing this point and thus in order to get to where I’d like to be and see myself capable of being/doing I actually have to walk the physical process of doing this, meaning “doing the work” so to speak and applying myself within the point to eventually develop the skills I am looking for/see myself capable of developing, and to thus stabilize myself and ground myself in the physical, the real reality of things and so stop using my mind as a reference/gage for “how I am doing within this point” because I have not designed my mind to have a real grounded relationship with the physical as Actual Reality, and so thus is quite separated from how things actually work and so I will end up mis-interpreting my ability, and my application “losing faith” in myself instead of walking here in breath and patience within understanding that rome wasn’t built in a day. And so here aligning myself to “The Physical” so to speak within this endeavour of painting so as to assist and support me stop the point of “Losing Faith in Myself” which is the experience set into motion within utilizing The Mind as a reference point instead of actual physical reality.

Thought Dimension

Seeing myself with many paintings around me where things are working out and I am making allot of paintings and my skill is improving and I am satisfied with my expression and the expansion of my expression and in this seeing myself as happy and satisfied and vibrant.

See a picture of a painter I like where his name and one of his paintings that I saw in a book come to mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “see myself already done” as the picture/thought that come up in my mind when I am working on my art and am still in the process of developing a work or works, where a picture of me already being done and having done the work and succeeded at the paintings already come up in my mind, where in doing this/participating with such a thought I am not assisting and supporting myself to remain grounded and HERE in practical physical reality where I actually am standing.

I commit myself to when and as I see a picture coming up in my mind of me “already being done” or “already having been successful in /with many paintings, to Stop and Breathe and Not go there. I see, realize, understand that to participate with such a thought/picture in my mind only contribute to me separating/further separating me from actual reality and getting to know how things really move in and as the physical and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply stop participating in such thoughts and to rather remain here within what is real, and if that mean that I have not yet done much, then it is of value to recognize where I actually am standing in and as the physical so to be able to assist and support myself to develop my ability to move myself in the physical and also assess the physical as for instance what it will actually take me to practically walk from point A to point B. I realize that I must in fact “do the work” and so from this perspective I can allow myself to breathe within realizing that I am “there is nothing at all wrong with me” but that my “losing faith in myself” reaction in relation to this point is based on a misconstrusion of actual reality, and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop my consistency within my painting practice as I see/realize/understand that results only come from consistent DAILY application, and so thus commit myself to this approach/walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see pictures/images of artists who’s paintings I have seen and liked where when such thoughts flash up in my mind I will then engage in such a picture where then what triggers is the other mind dimensions related to this “losing faith in myself” Character, This Character then thus activating and operating through this process of having images pop up in my mind of all the Art that I have seen, where I then from here go into reacting to this within the belief that “I will never do that” instead of realizing where I am, meaning that ALL i require is to apply myself within daily consistent application and thus it will take time.

I commit myself stop comparing where I stand now to art or artists that have walked a looooong time perfecting there craft, because to simply compare myself to such a point within taking into consideration the actual practical application walked/lived by such artists, I am only showing that I have not yet developed an ability to see reality for what it is being able to identify the practical side of what is presented to me, and so I stop the comparisons and rather focus myself/my attention on stabilizing myself within a Daily Consistent Effort as I have proven to myself that this yields effective results and anything less than this would be me accepting and allowing less of what I am capable of.

Imagination Dimension

Imagine my parents or someone I know or don’t know looking at the paintings after I have finished with them and having “no response” where they just respond in a real mundane way, or actually that they think within themselves “that’s not that good” So here I imagine other peoples responses to the Art I have done, where often as I am making the Art, I will actually start to imagine other peoples responses to the art, and this will vary in terms of me imagining both positive and negative feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that when I accept and allow myself to go into my imagination dimension of my “losing faith in myself” Character in relation to my art, that I am basically accessing my entire self history, particularly from the perspective of where I will start thinking about/imagining peoples reactions to my art work where they would not be very impressed and so thus here am actually now in the process of retrieving past memories/experiences of where people did not react the way that I wanted them to towards my art, and am thus accumulating a kind of self judgement within myself where all sorts of memories, experiences, energies, fears, are being activated as I scan through all my memories where I am thinking how people will judge my work or respond in a way that is indicative of them not liking my art, and so in this actually fuelling my “losing faith in myself” Character instead of STOPPING, and Breathing and Stopping judging myself/creating judgements about my Art which at times actually even prevent me from doing art/expressing myself openly as I then start to suppress me and generate all sorts of fears and worries because I am so pre-occupied with what other people might think instead of being here and simply pushing through there fears, and judgements I have generated within participating within my imagination and thus sticking to the task at hand and actually supporting me to become effective within this point.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to instead of spending my time in my mind thinking about and worrying about what other people might say about my art as I walk these stages of still practicing /developing my skill to where I see it is capable of being, to instead of spending my time thinking and worrying about this and actually Suppressing my application/walking of this due to the fears that I am dwelling on and creating within my imagination dimension to simply be HERE and Walk the Point, Assisting and Supporting myself to let go of participating within such imaginings and simply stick to breath and walking the point day by day in understanding of the point I am walking and what I will require to walk to get there, not more accepting and allowing myself to hold back out of fear of making a mistake or fear of making something that someone might judge, as I see that I will NEVER learn if I do not explore and investigate and try things out, and just test shit out within this process of developing my art. And so I commit myself to Try Things Out, and not fear what someone will say as I see that the consequence of holding back / suppressing myself within my application of developing my art is that I will in fact be limiting myself and not fully allowing myself to really express and ultimately enjoy me within this expression and so I commit myself to push me to explore new approaches and dare to fail or doing something that looks funny simply as the indication that I am willing to learn and try different things within my application of developing my artwork in a way that I see will support me within expanding myself within this point in the most effective way.

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5 thoughts on “Losing Faith in Myself Personality – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 203

  1. Pingback: Stop Listening To The Voices In Your Head – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 205 | An Artists Journey To Life

  2. Pingback: Jumping To Conclusions Before You have Even Begun – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 206 | An Artists Journey To Life

  3. Pingback: How I Judge My Art (BackChat Dimension) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 207 | An Artists Journey To Life

  4. Pingback: Patience and Persistence – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 208 | An Artists Journey To Life

  5. Pingback: Riding the Wave of Good and Bad Judgements – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 209 | An Artists Journey To Life

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