I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an “aversion” to painting where within this aversion I am defining painting as a complete waste of time, that there is so many other better ways to spend my time so that I am developing the necessary skills to stand as an effective example of Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment within myself in relation to painting, where whenever I am preparing to paint or considering/looking at the point of making a painting or making art I end up experiencing disappointment, because in that moment when looking at/considering or preparing to paint/do art, I feel as though what I am about to do is not an effective use of my time, and then in this am both caught between and torn between “to paint” or “not to paint” not knowing which direction to go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment in relation to the point of not ever really getting to refine my painting skills/abilities to a point where I am effective within this skill, where within me I deep down feel/believe that this painting/art point is not in fact going anywhere, that this is just a temporary thing, which also create quite a contradiction within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear never getting to actually refine my art skills.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat “Art is a waste of time” where within such back-chat I am implying that I should not do art and that its a waste of time, yet am at the same time I am practically applying myself in this point, and so in entertaining, and participating with such back-chat am creating the experience within myself of being torn between either painting or not painting, fuelled within and as the back-chat statement “painting is a waste of time” that is in complete contradiction to what I am attempting to live / physically moving myself within and so create stress and friction and inner conflict within myself as I walk this painting/art point, while at the same time, contradicting myself in my back-chat where I am stuck between either doing it or not because I don’t know if my belief/back-chat that “painting is a waste of time” is real or not.
So When did I define Art as a “waste of time”.
I remember I used to value doing Art as being a high purpose. I was do dedicated to it. I was so engrossed in it, in learning about it, researching it, practicing, exploring, investigating, refining, pushing. I was this way up until around the time I found Desteni. I had still held my value system towards art within myself during this time, but I had already started to decline in my “artistic output” though I did not consider art as a waste of time.
I also remember after art school one time I was at my aunts house and my relatives where there. I stayed for a little while but then left early because I was going back to my house to work on painting. I remember speaking to my uncles about it and they were more business men that worked in the system in a 9 to 5 kind of way, and in communicating with them I formed this perception that they thought that I was dedicated and that I would amount to something with my art because of my dedication.
So I stood my ground in a way. I was “set” on my “task at hand” I was determined to make art work.
Even though I was faced with business type men I did not look at what I was doing as a “waste of time” in fact I considered it to be more ‘noble’ in a way to be “more important than what they were doing” so here I was actually judging what they were doing and I had within myself exalted art to a “higher status”.
I realize now that this is not the case, that everything is equal. Previously I had believed that Art was “more superior” There is also the point here that “I was following my dream” which was intertwined into the definition I had created/constructed around the point of art.
I used to look at allot of art books and I used to want to be as good as the Artists in the books. I still do.
I want to reach a degree of expertise in my field that I am satisfied with. But I feel like this is a want that distract me from what is actually real. Meaning the actual context of our world currently where war, starvation, suffering and the destruction of humanity and the earth is taking place – Like we are eating ourselves. That is REAL, that is a priority.
So my question is Where does refining my skill-set in Art come into play or/and does it come into play at all.
Obviously Id like to become effective in my ability within expressing/communication in this point. Because that is what I am doing. I am expressing/communicating me. I feel like the point to really discover how to communicate effectively within art is possible, but perhaps not yet in this life-time.
That is where I am torn.
I mean practically speaking, Art seeeeeemmmmmmsssss like a route that I ‘could’ walk but that is a BIG “seeemmms like” so implying still an uncertainty, a doubt.
Ok getting back to “Art is a waste of time”
In the past, I had nothing else to do but do art. There was no other purpose to my life. Therefore I could do art night and day.
When I started with desteni, I started applying myself within different various processes/tools and this takes quite a bit of time during the day.
And now also I have different responsibilities with Desteni that I see as being of importance and thus “developing my skill in art” takes a back-seat because obviously it does not matter how skilled I am at art, if I have no understanding of who I am and what life is and how I function and create reality then WTF.
The Development of Self Awareness takes president.
And also here I can see now how I have formed this idea that “Art is a waste of time” because the process of self realization is obviously the priority point, and so within my process of doing Art, I must become effective at ensuring that My Process never takes a back-chat seat or second place. Because that then WOULD be a waste of time, because it is ME that is essentially taking the back-seat waiting for me to actually pay attention to me, and Support myself to see/realize/understand who I am.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am wasting my time, when ever I place my process in second place, because my process is ME, and without ME in the picture, then no matter what I do, I am not really HERE anyways but suppressing myself behind some pursuit that I have given more value than ME. The very point that is required to actually Substantiate my Existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my process second behind art, where in for instance my Daily application of me within process, within my process of writing and doing my DIP lessons, and supporting on the forums and in Networking etc starts to diminish due to me placing my attention on art.
I commit myself to ensure that my Commitment to Myself/Process is my number one priority where I am always moving and motivating me within this instead of treating it as something to just get done with each day to move onto other things in my life, which then would indicate a mis-interpretation of what in fact is of REAL VALUE to me, this world and what is best for all.
I commit myself to dedicate myself DAILY to developing Self Awareness and Effective Practical Living within The context of what is best for all, doing this through assisting and supporting myself through the various Desteni Process that are set-up and that I am participating with and to NOT EVER forget that this is THEE most important part of my life, not because I must make it this way, but because it actually has the most value to life as it support REAL LIFE as the bringing forth of a world of oneness and equality and what is best for all.
Desteni I Process LITE
Desteni Has launched Desteni I Process Lite. This is a completely free, online course with buddy support. The course material has been designed from the ground up to accommodate complete beginners to the Desteni material. And if you’ve been with Desteni for years, there’s a lot you can learn through revisiting the basics in a format you haven’t experienced yet.
Daily EQAFE Interview Support