Judging My Expression – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 201

Judging My Expression

Today and yesterday I spent some time making some paintings. I see this point within myself of where I “lose faith” in myself in terms of when the painting does not turn out the way I want. I am going to explore the various mind dimensions of this point.

Fear Dimension.
-fear that I am not smart enough to do intricate paintings that I see others have done, and thus that “I will never get it”
-Fear of never improving
-Fear that I reached my highest ability already
-Fear of Failure

Thought Dimension
Seeing myself with many paintings around me where things are working out and I am making allot of paintings and my skill is improving and I am satisfied with my expression and the expansion of my expression and in this seeing myself as happy and satisfied and vibrant.

Imagination Dimension

Imagine my parents or someone I know or don’t know looking at the paintings after I have finished with them and having “no response” where they just respond in a real mundane way, or actually that they think within themselves “that’s not that good” So here I imagine other peoples responses to the Art I have done, where often as I am making the Art, I will actually start to imagine other peoples responses to the art, and this will vary in terms of me imagining both positive and negative feedback.

Back-Chat
What if I don’t get better
What if I have reached my peak already
What if I am not smart/intelligent enough like not enough brain power.
What if there is something physically wrong with my eye sight.
This is never going to work/I will never get it
These paintings are horrible
Will I ever get better?
I don’t want anybody to see these paintings – they are so bad
My paintings are so amateurish
I can’t do this

Reaction Dimension
Embarrassment (because my paintings are not that great)
Anxiety
Impatience
Hopelessness
Tense – like a constant frustration
Restlessness
Disappointment/Depression
Inadequate
Irritated
Frustarted/Angry

Physical Behaviour Dimension
Physical tenseness and Stress in my body due to “my paintings not working how I wanted”
Restlessness – not able to relax

Consequence Dimension
Here I see that the consequence of participating in the various mind dimensions related to “my paintings not working out the way that I wanted” is that I will create a constant stress within my life/myself. I see this process of participating with the various mind dimensions related to this point of “my paintings not working out how I would like” is a process of self judgement and that this in a way is “counter productive” so to speak, like in a way working against myself as I walk the process of doing Art. So The Consequence is here making this path actually more difficult and strenuous and in a way working against myself if I were to just breath and direct myself within this point and stop going into the mental realities I have created within/around/in relation to this point.

Self Forgiveness

Fear Dimension

-fear that I am not smart enough to do intricate paintings that I see others have done, and thus that “I will never get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not smart enough to do highly intricate paintings and highly skilled paintings, that I believe within myself requires a certain degree of brain power/capacity that I believe/fear I don’t have and thus will never be able to get my paintings to look like what I want them to look like.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that if I continue to apply myself within this point that eventually I will become effective to the degree that I want, and that instead of trusting myself in this common sensical approach have gone quickly into Fear (The Dimensions of The Mind) and thus creating an experience/interpretation of the point through/as the mind which I have giving my attention to and made real thus causing a chain reaction of sorts as the various dimensions of this Self Judging Personality/Character are activated and what then thus ensures is the experience within myself created through/as the participating /playing out of the various contexts of mind dimensions.

In my next blog I will continue with the Self Forgiveness statements on the Fear Dimension along with Self Corrective Statements.

 

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Birthing A New Life Through The Eyes of a Horse

 

Featured Desteni Links

desteni.org
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Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
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7 thoughts on “Judging My Expression – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 201

  1. Pingback: Fear of Missing Out on Living To My Potential – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 202 | An Artists Journey To Life

  2. Pingback: Losing Faith in Myself Personality – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 203 | An Artists Journey To Life

  3. Pingback: Stop Listening To The Voices In Your Head – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 205 | An Artists Journey To Life

  4. Pingback: Jumping To Conclusions Before You have Even Begun – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 206 | An Artists Journey To Life

  5. Pingback: How I Judge My Art (BackChat Dimension) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 207 | An Artists Journey To Life

  6. Pingback: Patience and Persistence – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 208 | An Artists Journey To Life

  7. Pingback: Riding the Wave of Good and Bad Judgements – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 209 | An Artists Journey To Life

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