This is a continuation of the following blog posts
Exploring How I Create Self Doubt – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 194
Sudden Surges of Anxiety/Fear – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 193
Sinking into Heaviness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 192
Aligning My Expression with the Physical – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 191
Stepping Out of Track – An Artists Journey To Life Day 190
Sorting out my Past Perceptions about Myself – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 189
Finding Excuses to Hold Back – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 188
Disrupting My Attention – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 187
Subtly Blaming My Genetics – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 186
Before I continue with the self corrective statements for the self forgiveness that I had done in relation to the reaction of ‘doubt’ I wanted to describe my experience today in relation to working on my art website.
So today I decided that I work some more on getting my website set up so that I can make the website ‘live’ asap. I experienced a kind of ‘blockage’ when faced with this task of doing what I see is required now get my website to a point where I can actually launch it.
One of the points that I have not been able to bring through is the “how I am going to profile myself”. I have decided that I will profile myself as an “Artist Activist” and I am satisfied with this because then I can incorporate what I am doing with Desteni in terms of “showing who I am” as an Artist/Person.
But this point has not been coming through. Its like I have ran into a wall so to speak. And nothing is wanting to flow. In the beginning the points were all seeming to come together nicely and things were moving. But when it came to this point of “profiling myself” I have not been able to place this/align this and in this placing the appropriate content on the site. And so at this stage it is like I have ran into a ‘wall’ so to speak, where I find now things are not as clear, and are a bit more confusing.
Ok so more just wrote this out as something that was going with my experience today – For Self Clarity Sake.
For now I will continue with the Self Commitments in relation to the point of ‘doubt’ I have been working on.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to see/realize/understand the entirety of this reaction I have of doubt/uncertainty where I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, to deconstruct this particular reaction of doubt and uncertainty as a reaction experience I face/experience/am encountered with within my process here of directing me as per my intention to utilize Art/My Skill and Ability in art to generate money in the system.
I commit myself to investigate where it is, at which points “I give up on myself” when for instance being faced with an experience of doubt or uncertainty that I sometimes define as “overwhelming”. And so I commit myself to investigate these behaviours/this particular behaviour of the mental and physical process that I walk through within and as the process of “giving up on myself” / “giving into self doubt” specifically in relation to this point of “Art” looking at and exploring how I have created this behaviour/reaction of self doubt which I then make a decision based on this reaction/feeling/experience to in essence “give up” on my initial plans/intentions to Aligning my Artistic Skills and Abilities to Generate Money in The System. Something that I see/realize/understand is at this stage not being done at all in the very least, but that I have neglected this point in terms of Aligning it within the Current System in a way to generate money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “nothing I ever do will make money” where I approach everything that I do in my life with this initial belief within myself and so to have approached this point of Art with this same belief.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant to actually make my website live which would be the point of me actually engaging the system, where in I would be linking my system in with the greater system at large to initiate the potential flow of money, where my fear of failure is just to great that I will hesitate and go into resistance towards doing this fearing the ridicule of others if I fail, fearing them saying “I told you so” which is actually what I tell myself as the “certainty I have within myself that this will not work, that I am not capable of making this work. Where I become so possessed by this experience within and as my self that It influence within my practical physical living where I will stop applying myself within this point due to having built up within myself the idea/belief that it will not work.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to utilizing writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statements to explore/investigate and correct my internal beliefs that I have created within myself and here also in doing these things, assist and support myself to get an clear understanding of how I create/ build Characters within and as me which I then live out, and so here supporting me to actually understand how I am creating myself and the world.
I commit myself to within my process of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application, understand this aspect of myself of how I have created this doubt and uncertainty within myself in relation to this point of Art where this is like a specific equation so to speak that I have created as a primary point within myself in terms of how I act/respond/behave in relation to this point of when ever I approach art and basically start going through the motions of the various thoughts, feelings, emotions, that I experience/walk through/ participate with that determine the experience I have in relation to this point and also how I direct myself within and as this point of “Art” looking and here I commit myself to look at and investigate all the ideas/beliefs/perceptions that I have created/constructed within myself in relation to the point of Art, so to assist and support myself to Effectively Align me to LIFE within the principle of Equality and oneness, and so thus within this I see/realize/understand that I will in fact have to come to an equal and one understanding of “how I created me” thus within the context of my life at the moment, Art has played a role as a prominent aspect of my life and thus so then implying that I will have to understand this Part of myself in Exact Detail, as this is simply a part of me that must be understood, as all parts of me must eventually and inevitably be understood through and within the process of walking myself to equality and oneness with and as myself so that I am able to be HERE in absolute and full Self Awareness of every part aspect of me.
Desteni Has just launched Desteni I Process Lite. This is a completely free, online course with buddy support. The course material has been designed from the ground up to accommodate complete beginners to the Desteni material. And if you’ve been with Desteni for years, there’s a lot you can learn through revisiting the basics in a format you haven’t experienced yet.
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