This is a continuation of the following blog posts
Sinking into Heaviness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 192
Aligning My Expression with the Physical – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 191
Stepping Out of Track – An Artists Journey To Life Day 190
Sorting out my Past Perceptions about Myself – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 189
Finding Excuses to Hold Back – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 188
Disrupting My Attention – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 187
Subtly Blaming My Genetics – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 186
In my last blog I looked at/explored the reactions of heaviness within myself that I ‘sink into’ as the reaction that comes up in relation to the “fear of failing in my Art Endeavours” I notice that what comes up very quickly before the heaviness is a sudden anxiety within my solar plexus. I would also describe this “sudden anxiety” as the actual initial fear experience. It is like a fluttering of anxiety that comes up really fast within my solar plexus.
So this is where I will start today as I continue exploring/laying out my “Reaction Dimension” that occur in relation to the initial fear that I have of failing at this point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the reaction of anxiety which I see as also fear that suddenly comes up within my solar plexus like a sudden fluttering/shuttering energy surge experience that vibrate within my solar plexus when ever I start going into my mind and thinking about and looking at the point of possibly failing at this art point or /and also when I go into my imagination dimension and looking at playing out all the potential / possible various ways that I could fail or will fail, where in doing this this shuttering anxiety experience emerge suddenly and quickly within my solar plexus.
I commit myself to flag point this “sudden anxiety/fear experience in my solar plexus” that comes up in relation to this point of walking this art point so that I am able to more specifically identify exactly how and when this “sudden reaction” comes up within me, so that I can within this assist and support myself to stabilize myself within my application / walking of this point where in I pinpoint and lay out in exact detail in my “writing out of my myself” this point/reaction point so to identify how specifically I am creating it and have created/constructed it within myself, where I am able to look at specifically the different memories/past experiences/beliefs I have attached to this “sudden reaction/anxiety/fear experience” within me.
Also here I commit myself to as I open up and develop understanding and clarity on this point to thus stop my auto-participation in this point where In I automatically accept energetic reactions without in fact understanding them in exact detail in terms of what I am in fact participating with and or accepting and allowing myself to tacitly participate with/agree with/ perpetuate by participating with reactions automatically without understanding the exact context of what that “reaction” is or how it was/is created and all the various relationships I have connected to that particular reaction, and so within this assist and support myself to start develop Real Self Understanding and Awareness that I can TRUST, so to while doing this assist and support me to become more stable and also SELF Directed within myself/ my life / my application no more being guided here and there by energetic impulses that come up/ suddenly come up quickly within my body / my self that often I do not even noticed due to having become so accustom and conditioned to participating with that particular energetic reactions/feeling/emotion/experience within myself.
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