This blog is a continuation from the previous posts:
Ok I really ended up bogging myself down with my last post, so with this post I am going to continue with the self corrective statements on the Self Forgiveness that I have done on the fears but before I get into that I wanted to mention a point that noticed about this whole “Artist Character” that I have writing out.
What I noticed is the following – That I am essentially walking the pattern that I learned within my Family Structure as in watching my Father ‘pursue’ Music in his life but never managing to make it something that was economically Viable.
So a point I am looking at here is actually a question – Am I willing Live the required way needed to actually facilitate My Art being an Economically Viable point, or will I simply walk the path that my father walked in not really ever doing what was required to in turn his pursuits with music into something that supported him financially.
So I have been looking at this question for myself lately. Who will I have to be, meaning what will I have to walk to in fact make the point of with Art actually something that I can support myself with Financially. What will I have to give up about my lifestyle to make it work. Who will I have to become. What about my life right now is not supporting me within becoming/being/living the necessary way effectively facilitate actually having this point work. And am I living that or am I living in the Exact same pattern that has been laid out before me as the example given through my family structure which I already have an example of the outcome of that.
Ok so now going to continue where I left off with the fears from my last post…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing and letting my mom down
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to the expectations of my Parents because I fear not living up to my own expectations.
I commit myself to realize that it is not about letting other people down or living up to other people’s expectations or even my own expectations. It is about looking at what I must Self Honesty Do Practically to make the point work and do that, and thus I commit myself to stop engaging with the Fear related to my own expectations or another’s expectations as that is the mind at work, and thus rather just stick to focusing on what I can do daily practically to make this point REAL in terms of moving the necessary practical physical points daily to ensure effective self movement on this point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this endeavour failing even within me giving it my all, because then it will really be over, and I fear that moment, I fear that moment of this point with art really being over, I fear this because I have put so much into this point, and I don’t see any other point or way to in my life be fulfilled like the way I could with/if this point is successful, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear extensively having this point not work out and fail.
I can see that the “importance” I have placed on the success or failure of this point is an “importance” that I have created within my own mind, and thus the “Fear” I experience in relation to failing at this point is equal and one to the existence of the “importance” I have placed on it within my own mind. And so when and as I see myself going into “fear of failure” within this point, fearing that it won’t work, I stop and I breathe. I stop participating within the “Fear” I have generated/created in relation to this point in relation to failing at it, as I realize that this fear has been designed in and as my own Self Interest with regards to “what I want to live” and is not based on What is Practically Best For ALL, and so I stop participating with thus fuelling fears that is based on my own self interest as from a certain perspective it is not relevant what one do, and so thus I commit myself to remind myself daily I must be Fine with walking what ever must be walked to do what is best for all, and to assist and support myself to make this a Reality for myself as a Living Realization that I live Day to Day from the perspective that I must be able to walk away from what I am doing/living in a moment and have no reaction to the point, as I see, this reaction/inner movement, just as I see the “fear of failing in this point” is based on, is self interest. And so thus in aligning myself with what is best for all I commit myself to breathe and remain here within my daily life within the realization and understanding that I am HERE in support of what is best for all and thus must be able to Change my Life Course in a moment with no reaction, showing that I am not “tied into the point” from a self interested point of view, where I am thus able to Direct Myself as needed within the principle of what is best for all, and so thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to Align my Current Application of Doing Art with what is best for all to ensure that I do not slip into Self Interested Living in relation to this point but that it Remain a Practical Viable Point to walk within the context of what is best for all, otherwise to simply walk away. And also within this I commit myself to Challenge myself to Align this point so that it is in fact able to be a viable point where I no more accept and allow myself to pursue ART in a Self Interested way, but Re-Align my Starting Point within this Skill so that it in fact is a practically supportive point within the context of what is best for all, doing what I must to make it a practically viable point within the context of what is best for all, even if this is something that I have resistance to or claim “is not me” but that I simply take this point into consideration within the principle of what is best for all, leaving my self interested imaginations and fantasies and pictured projections out if it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment/point in my life where my potential as an Artist is over and done, which is the equivalent to my “spark of life” being over, and thus me no more being able to add or contribute anything to life and to humanity.
I commit myself to remind myself that my potential towards life has nothing to do with art, or my ability or skill as an artist. It has to to do with my daily living and who I am in this. Who I am in each and every moment within the question – Am I living / Directing Me in Self Honesty and Self Responsibility in a way that honour life which is possible to be done no matter where I am, or am I accepting and allowing myself to live in self dishonesty and dishonouring of life – Thus who I am as my potential contribution to Life exist in every moment HERE as who I am in each and every moment. It has nothing to do with art or succeeding or failing in Art.
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