Making a Living with Art/Being an Artist- An Artists Journey To Life: Day 175

Yesterday I started to look at my relationship with money. This has came up recently as I have been exploring the point of Selling my Artwork. I have done some selling in my past of my work but have not done this “aggressively” for some time, and in fact have not really even taken on the point of selling my art aggressively. By Aggressively I mean where I actually take on this point on a daily basis where it becomes a Consistent Application I engage myself within with specific targets and goals and practical steps I walk everyday. So as I have been looking at this point recently I have noticed different thoughts, and experiences, and doubts and dreams coming up within myself in relation to this point of selling art and so am going to future explore this point of Selling Art and also within this investigating my own relationship I have with money.

Fear Dimension.
I fear asking to much money for my art/like pricing my art to high and then not making sales
Fear facing large crowds of people and socializing
Fear nobody liking my art like being at an opening and no body likes my art that is up or they respond to it in a bad way
Fear failing – And not having the opportunity to live/walk this path
I Fear that this was not meant to be and it does not work out
I fear everybody laughing at me if I fail
I fear everybody thinking that I will fail (fear of what others think)
Fear of being ridiculed

Thought Dimension.
See a picture of me checking my website after a while and absolutely nothing has sold and nothing is moving
seeing picture of me in galleries and out doing shows and socializing etc
See a picture of me of facing a crowd of people
See myself in a depression, like in the future being exhausted because I tried but I failed and just seeing me slumped down and its dark and I have no options on what to do next
Seeing a picture of an artist who is really social and excellent in communication and with people and comparing/seeing myself in relation to that and thinking “that is not me”

Imagination Dimension
Where I start to go into imagining what the people are saying about me and talking about me because the price of my art is to high, like seeing/imagining them talking about me behind my back kind of thing.

I also see that go into this polarity point where I see myself being very successful and making lots of sales online and being really successful, where I will play out this point of me doing this job of making and selling art full time and thinking what my life would be like, thinking it will be great and seeing myself packaging paintings and basically playing out the entire point within my imagination of when I am successful at this

Back-chat Dimension
I don’t deserve this
This is to good to be true
I just know I will fail
What if I price my art to low?
I will never figure this out and find the right price
It just won’t work with my art
I am not equip for this
I can’t do what it takes
I am not organized enough with this kind of stuff
What if I am not supposed to do this
What if I am supposed to fail to learn a lesson
What if its not in the cards for me
What if I can’t do this
What if this doesn’t work out
I knew this would never work.
This will never work
I am not good with people
I am not social enough or effective enough with my communication
I am not intelligent/smart enough (especially for the internet marketing side of things)
I will never do it
That is not me
I don’t deserve this
This is to good to be true
I just know I will fail

Reaction/Experience Dimension

Experience an inner excitement and drive

Not wanting to do anything else
Experience Anxiety like can’t move fast enough – just wanting it done so fast
Suddenly drop inside myself like the bottom falls out and I feel like IT WILL NEVER WORK and then experience a sadness and depression coming over me, like a despair where everything goes dark and black like disappointment
Suddenly Realizing – This will never work and feeling stunned.
Feeling inadequate (in relation to the money side of things)
Heaviness within me
Feeling Inferior
Self Doubt
Anxiety (fear of failure/future)

Physical Behaviour Dimension

Work all day doing research and setting everything up
Can’t sit still, pacing in my house, not able to focus

Consequence Dimension
Stuck in the pattern of never pushing myself through the resistances and actually doing this point consistently and actually Making this Point My life – I give to quickly believing I have failed and it wasn’t meant to be when ever facing resistance points instead of making the decision within myself to FACE ALL my Resistance points within making this point work, as that will be the only way I be successful at this point of selling art – IF I walk the necessary Practical Steps of This Regardless of if I experience resistance to them or feel inferior to them.
I never actually “work the plan” I give up to early and never in fact walk the practical steps to see if I am capable of doing it, and thus never get “past” this point. – So Stop myself before I start like I have done so far.
Not giving myself the opportunity to explore myself and expand myself into different areas/avenues because I come to conclusions of who I am and what I am and what I am not without walking through my fears and allowing myself to become that which is necessary for this to work.

Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness

I Fear that this was not meant to be and it does not work out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear that the point of selling art / being successful at selling art “was not meant to be” where in an instant I will become consumed by this point of fear that “it was not meant to be” where I believe that there is just some reason for why this will not work like some unseen force that will just make this point not work and I will become gripped by this fear experience within this becoming possessed by an experience of fear instead of sticking to practical reality of sticking with the practical step by step plan that I have laid out for myself to walk/follow to be successful, where in reacting in fear I will in a way lose touch with the physical practical reality and thus accept and allow this “Experience” of myself of/as Fear to influence and direct me, without even thoroughly investigating what this experience is or effectively testing my practical process thoroughly within the point of actually walking the process of selling art, where instead of in fact testing the point and trusting Actual Practical Reality Feedback – I will just trust a Fear Experience that emerge within me which is actually irrational to do because I have not investigated that such fear to see where it in fact come from and why I believe that “something will happen” that “there is just something here that won’t work” that “ I just KNOW I will fail” though yet trusting such a fear based on “I just KNOW” though not having an IN FACT stable basis for why “I JUST KNOW” but just going with and trusting this such allusive reasoning which is quite irrational.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my fears instead of investigating them inside out to see where the fear comes from and how I created it and formed it, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fears that come up within me, approaching them from the perspective that “I am not supposed to know how I created them and also that I am not able to understand how I created them” and thus within this not actually Exploring my Fears in Detail in Writing, sitting with each fear and breaking it down and applying self forgiveness on it so to no more accept and allow myself to be ‘blindingly’ accepting my fear experience that come up within me.

In the Next Blog I will continue with more Self Forgiveness on the Fear Dimension

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16 thoughts on “Making a Living with Art/Being an Artist- An Artists Journey To Life: Day 175

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