Last night I was having a conversation and the point of psychology came up as something that I might actually enjoy taking in school and would be effective at. My interest peaked immediately as this was something I have thought about previously and recently also. The whole point of going to school though seems like a distant dream and something that more is a ‘distraction’ than an actual Practical Consideration. Within making this statement I experience Sadness and Disappointment within myself in relation to the idea that I have created that “I must go back to school” to get my life in order and that if I don’t I will just end up doing and being nothing.
So I see there is an inner struggle within myself in relation to this point of “going back to school or not” where its like I have not yet made a decision decided what I am going to do and Assessing An effective practical way forwards that I can walk and be stable within.
What I find is that allot of my “future plans” is met with Self Disappointment, where Disappointment seems like quite a common “end-result-experience” to my planning of my future possibilities, where I end up getting frustrated within myself in relation to “what I will do with my future” and then just end up putting the point off again and not ever getting to a point of making a decision on this.
So in terms of the school point, and so many other points there is allot of Self Doubt and Uncertainty.
With School a big part of this comes down to money and my current financial situation which I have defined as a limitation and see I allow myself to react to quite extensively in many contexts and have not yet stabilized myself within this point, but still have allot of emotional reactions towards my “financial situation” as well as my Debt where I see/experience this as a burden and hardship and weight on my life.
Like for instance with School – This becomes more like a tease than an actual practical probability – and so I see that the experience of self disappointment within myself is related to my accepted and allowed “who I am” within my “current situation” with regards to what I will be able to do and am capable of doing based on the resources that are available to me that within assessing the point, end up in that experience of self disappointment.
So this is the point I am going to look at – The Experience of Self Disappointment in relation to “looking at/planning for my future based on my the current resources I have available to me”
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