Here I am continuing with the point of the “Giving up Character” in relation to work/job/career. For further reference please see the previous blogs I have walked on this point.
Here I am continuing with SF on the Reactions/Emotion Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional reaction of shame in relation to my acceptance that “I am unable to change myself” enough to in fact walk specific points in my life that by my definition require Stable Self Honesty which I am not seeing myself as capable of walking, and so go into Shame as if it has already happened.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any experience within me must be created in relation to who I am, and that I have not yet walked the future yet and so any experience I have within me even if it apparently pertain to the future, does not because I have not walked a point that I have not walked and so am in fact creating an experience within me based on the past and projecting that into the future and accepting it as true and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to explore my reactions/emotions in relation to “looking at my future” so to understand how I have created such experiences / reactions already in my past and am not just recycling them, bringing them into my future by constantly participating in them and fuelling them, instead of forgiving them and allowing myself to re-create myself from the perspective of allowing myself to walk HERE in and as the physical in the moment equal and one to the moment, instead of just regurgitating emotions/reactions from the past that I bring forward and project onto here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience embarrassment in relation to the thought that I have of seeing this particular being from my past whom I perceived as intelligent where in then I have in my mind created an imaginary moment of me having to face that being in my future if I were a teacher where “what if this being or someone like this was in my class” and thus “smarter than me” where in relation to this equation I would experience me as embarrassed for “not being as smart as someone else” and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the emotional/reaction of and as embarrassment that was triggered by a ‘imagining’ that I constructed within my mind which was pieced together from experiences/moments I had in my past and also perceptions/ideas/experiences I also constructed within my past which now I am bringing all of this forward and experiencing an emotional reaction which I allow to influence me instead of realizing how I have constructed these emotions/reactions and in this realization instead of accepting and allowing myself to react emotionally, investigate how I have in fact constructed the specific emotions and reactions I am experiencing through by layering memories, moments, perceptions, experiences, fears, feelings, etc from the past to now to create “my emotional reactions” which in fact have a history that I have not fully understood but have just started to understand how I have created them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the emotional reaction of “Self Doubt” in relation to “being an Art Teacher” where I have based this Doubting Not on Practical Common Sense Considerations but on the different emotions and reactions I am experiencing within me that come up when I start to consider and look at this point, and have thus submitted myself to basing my “Decision” where in this case go into a Doubting of myself within this point in relation to The Mind instead of Practical Common Sense.
Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to based my entire decision making process on the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, never in fact getting to an ability to make an assessment based on practical common sense due to having designed and conditioned myself to only ever have made decisions based on the mind as the thoughts, feelings, emotions I experience in relation to the decision I am looking at.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to understand yet, the true nature of the mind and how and who I am as the mind and so continue to participate in the mind and trust the mind despite the evidence that is not only my life, but Life on Earth that is rampant with Suffering and Abuse, but still continue to hold my mind in/as the Highest Regard and Main Man that I always give the final say to. Never daring to actually Move myself from the starting point of Silence and Practical Common Sense Considerations but instead direct and move me according to the fireworks of the mind flashing with all the fancy colors to motivate and stimulate me to make my life decisions – never bother to look what is behind the beautiful lights and seeing the relationships behind this, and how these bright lights have come to be – something that should obviously be questioned deeply considering the consequence as the result that following these fireworks and pretty colors has produced as My Life that I lead daily that has never offered any real sustainable fulfilment or Self Integrity but has only left me in constant self created misery, wondering when I will actually end my own self created misery and Start to Live in a Consistently Self Supportive way and End ALL Self Abuse, something that has not happened in following the pretty lights – yet I continue to utilize my emotional reactions and experiences to determine my daily and future life decisions, instead of simply doing what I know would be best for me that would require me to let go of that need to experience a certain energy or emotion that I have become addicted to and that is why I always repeat the same actions and never change, because if I change my actions then I will no more get the emotions/energetic experience that I want – even if that means changing my actions to support me, where I do not do this because in that I will not get my emotional energy fix which I have given more value to actual Self Supportive Living based on practical common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the emotional experience of ‘sadness’ in relation to “looking at the point of being an Art Teacher” specifically in relation to the back-chat point of “not being able to change” and so would thus then not be able to walk the point of being an Art Teacher, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this reaction of sadness as absolute instead of investigating the point specifically of “not being able to change” and how I have established the idea that “i will not be able to change” and look at what I am currently accepting and allowing myself to LIVE as my Daily Living Actions to see where I have not yet/am not yet working with myself in an effective way to change myself because to me the point of experiencing sadness in relation to “not being able to change” is indicating that “I am not changing” and so here see the point of simply “working with what is here” and in this assisting and supporting myself from this perspective by supporting myself within identifying the points that I am able to see within my life right now that require immediate change/transformation that will lead to/accumulate into actual Self Supportive Living.
DAILY EQAFE SUPPORT INTERVIEW